Resilience that saved a life
–    Domestic Violence and You
FOR the purpose of this article I will call my main protagonist Kelly, a 22-year-old woman from Guyana who managed to escape the torment, that is, domestic violence– one of the many factors that impact significantly on the mental health of those affected.

Kelly was brought up in a conservative Christian home, excelled in school with a passion for the sciences, and was somewhat naive.

This young woman’s story of pain and resilience began when she was 18, and was courting a man, nine years her senior, who we’ll call Vick.

Vick had sought her hand in marriage in 2009; and despite it being the 21st century, in Guyana’s rural areas the traditional rules of engaging a young woman are still largely applicable, particularly among the East Indian grouping.

However, not all things remained ‘traditional’, and with the consent of Kelly’s father, the two would go out from time to time.

It was no different that November evening, three months after they met. Vick was taking her to get dinner. He parked his car on the side of the public road, a secluded spot, empty of the homes that lined either side of the road.

Kelly’s screams went unheard and Vick raped her that night.

Coming from a very conservative background, Kelly feared what disclosing the truth would do to her reputation – a fear her father dispelled when he learned the truth two years later.

SUICIDE
Less than a week later Kelly attempted suicide.

“The pills didn’t kill me, but they did make me feel really sick. My dad and my sister took me to the hospital and the doctors pumped the pills out of my stomach and I came home,” she recalled.

A REGION IN TROUBLE
In terms of rape and sexual assault, the Caribbean is higher than the global average of 15 cases per 100,000 residents.

Several studies done across the globe have found that women who have experienced rape or other abuse have far greater rates of mental illness – a clear link between sexual abuse and mental disorders.
Public health must be visible in taking our place around the table in tackling major social ills. Substance abuse, colleagues, is a major determinant of domestic violence and sexual abuse, social issues we have been too timid to enter as major players to bring greater attention to, greater action and bring about change. Some persons have questioned our legitimacy in the fight against domestic and sexual violence, putting the responsibility upon social services and security sectors. I posit we have strong legitimacy in demanding a place at the table in tackling these social issues. These are “Health for All” issues.
-Guyana’s Health Minister Dr. Leslie Ramsammy (Sixty-first World Health Assembly on 19 May 2008).

In St. Vincent and the Grenadines (SVG) there were 43 cases of women being killed since 2000 — femicides, 17 of which resulted from intimate partner violence.

Official statistics from the Organisation of Eastern Caribbean States (OECS) governments indicate that there were 802 cases of rape and 55 sex crimes and incest against minors in SVG .
the past 10 years.

This is in comparison to 569 cases in Antigua and Barbuda; 587 in St. Lucia; 317 in Grenada; 153 in Dominica, and 128 in St. Kitts and Nevis.

In Guyana, the numbers are no less startling; and in 2010 alone, between January and
October, 35 women were murdered, the majority a result of domestic violence.

Guyana’s Women’s Affairs Bureau (WAB) of the Ministry of Labour, Human Services and Social Security has advanced support on several platforms, including:
·    The expansion of the legal aid service to support both women and children;
·    The updating of the Gender Neutral legislation, which deals with sexual offences, among other issues; and
·    The establishment of the Domestic Violence Policy Unit.

FOR THE WRONG REASON
“After the rape, I felt I had no other option, so I agreed to the marriage he proposed…We were married later that year,” Kelly said.

From here things only got worse; Vick and Kelly moved to a small community that was away from both his and her family.

“My father never took a drink. We were not raised that way; and despite everything, I still tried with my marriage, but Vick could not stop drinking,” Kelly said, “Most of the fights we had were because of his drinking.”

Kelly recalls that hers was a difficult marriage. Following the sexual abuse was his verbal taunting.
“It was not easy and he was always nasty and degrading, but we had started going to a church not far from where we lived, so I thought it would get better,” Kelly said.

SAVING GRACE
Her saving grace was her religion. Raised in a Christian home, Kelly found something familiar to hold on to.

But it was not long before Vick’s taunts returned again, not that they ever left, but had been diminished somewhat.

“He wanted a baby and I wasn’t getting pregnant. I prayed and prayed to get a baby, thinking that he would change, but that did not happen,” Kelly said, “We were married for eight months before I got pregnant and when I did get pregnant he went on saying it wasn’t his child.”

She recalled that it was around this time that he got physically violent.

“My family didn’t know anything and he didn’t like them so we visited them only on special holidays.”

Kelly noted that when she was at her parents’ home, he never left her alone for a moment, was even more controlling, not letting her out of his sight.

“When the baby came, I only stayed at my mother’s for a couple of days, and then he took me home,” she said.

BREAKING POINT
Kelly continued to tolerate his taunts and physical abuse for another two months – the worst of her experiences too painful for her to recount.

“I really thought the baby would change him, when religion didn’t seem to help. He got worse,” she said.

Tears in her eyes, Kelly recalled being taken to another level of torment.

“I was breastfeeding the baby and he would say milk and other builders for my body were too expensive. Some mornings it was bread and cold water and the water for weeks at a time was not good. The water made me sick,” she said.

This was the breaking point.

Kelly said, “I was so sick I couldn’t even move the baby and he would tell me I was pretending. The afternoon it got really bad was five days after, when I got really sick and couldn’t stop vomiting.”

When asked where Vick was, she said he was out drinking with his friends.

“I called him three times, but he would not come. When he did come I had to hear that I embarrassed him in front of his friends,” Kelly cried, “Only when I vomited  he got scared. He called my parents and they came for me the next day.”
Kelly left Vick for good that day.

“I was not thinking of myself alone, but my baby too. That is not
the kind of home I want for my baby, not the kind of home anyone
should have to grow up in. It is not the kind of home people live in,
they die. Maybe not physically, but part of them dies,” she said.

Recounting her story has been painful reminiscence, but Kelly
posits that,  even though she saw the signs she was willing to try.

She turned to religion, a familiar constant in her life; then hoped for change with a new baby.

She said, “I was willing to try. My resilience was for better, not for something that would eventually kill me, so I left. It was my resilience that saved me. My resilience saved me and my baby.