Reason to elope
MY DAUGHTER is to be married in the spring. The challenge is the guest list. We have a family member, my husband’s sister, who has ruined many family functions because of her compelling desire to play emotional games, and share untimely verbal abuse.
My daughter and her fiancé’s feelings: This aunt despises the groom, and has publicly declared her attitude. In the past, she caused distress at two family weddings, and they wish for this wedding not to be the third.
For this reason, the guest list has been harshly altered to include close friends instrumental to the couple’s relationship, grandparents, and parents of the bride and groom. The guest list is now a grand total of 22.
My husband’s feelings: He loves his older sister; she is blood after all, regardless of her behaviour. She lives in the area, therefore she should be invited to the event. She is family, and will always be welcome.
My feelings: I have a brother who is a physically abusive alcoholic. He is not on the guest list. There is no difference between physical abuse and emotional abuse.
Lynda
Lynda,
With a guest list that small, your husband’s sister can wreak havoc on every one of the 22 guests. If there were 2022 guests at the wedding, things would be different.
Republicans don’t go to the victory celebrations of Democrats. A wedding is a celebration, and this aunt does not agree with the reason for the party.
If you want your daughter’s wedding ruined, invite her. If your husband wants to be remembered as the man who ruined his daughter’s wedding, invite her. If the couple wants the wedding photos to be grim reminders of what happened, invite her.
Most problems in life can be avoided by thinking what can cause a difficulty and eliminating it. People close to the bride and groom should do everything in their power to make sure things go off without a hitch. The only hitch there needs be is these two getting hitched.
Wayne & Tamara
Simple cure
HEAR ME out. Is there a way to start over with my ex-girlfriend and build a healthier relationship? It’s been a month, but I still miss the hell out of her: Chatting with her, cuddling her, and going on adventures.
She said it wasn’t working. I kind of sensed it and wanted to fix things. A week before we broke up, I was acting mopey. I understand it was wrong; no need to call me out! She said she’s had bad luck with relationships in the past, being cheated on and threatened.
I would never do that, trust me. I know I made a mistake being clingy and needy. I get what I did wrong, so I don’t need you to confront me about that either.
I think she could be confused right now. I’ve been going with the ‘no contact’ rule, and I haven’t said a word to her to give her a chance to, hopefully, miss me.
My barber—a real nice woman—told me there’s a difference between convincing and asking, and it’s possible to ask questions to see what she wants. But I’m scared if I do that, she won’t talk to me. Do you have any suggestions to fix this?
Ben
Ben,
This relationship wasn’t going anywhere for her emotionally. If she had a deep feeling for you, mopey and clingy wouldn’t be an issue.
But that’s all there was; and she doesn’t want it.She’s been in bad relationships before. Why don’t you think they have given her a more discerning eye, so she can now say, “I don’t like this either.” She is learning what she wants in a relationship.
The easy answer, and the right answer, is to be who you are, and be with the person who accepts you. Then you don’t have to live your life trying to ‘fix’ anything.
Wayne & Tamara
