IT is a sad day indeed when a young father believes that he and his children will be better off if they were dead. And it is coming to light slowly but surely too, that men are being abused also and, although both genders do not want to admit it, these men are being abused by their wives or the women they love. Because men have been taught by society to “grin and bear it”, they are generally ashamed to admit that they are being abused by a woman. Should they report it most likely they will be the butt of many a joke, not only at the police station but most likely by their own friends. Added to that, our justice system sometimes takes the word of the woman above the word of the man in abuse cases. It is just more believable that the aggressor is the man, not the woman.
Indeed, positive strides are being made to bring needed attention to domestic abuse and to better protect women from their abusive husbands or partners but, unfortunately, we still have a long way to go to afford our men similar protection of their safety and security.
One might very well ask, and rightly so, that with everything that is being done to protect women, why has domestic violence against them increased? And why has it gotten so much more violent? Our men seem not to be afraid of the repercussions their actions would bring onto themselves and this can only be attributed to some kind of madness.
The next question would be what is making our men lose it like that? Now, for a woman to answer that question truthfully it will be difficult because for her she is only dealing with reality and doing the best she can to survive. Yes, indeed, it all boils down to “bread and butter’ issues of TODAY.
And the vicious cycle goes like this: husband goes to work, husband gets paid, half the month is gone and husband’s pay is all used up. Sometimes both husband and wife’s pay cheques are used up by half the month depending on how many children they have and what they all need. What must they do? Husband tries to get an extra job, even borrows money… one can just feel the stress mounting on this couple already. Wife worries, runs out of patience, starts picking on the man and verbal and physical abuse follows.
But let us examine this for a moment… “Wife picking on husband”… this is in reality a woman verbally and emotionally “abusing her husband or partner”. However, no one looks at it like that; the man is supposed to provide and if he cannot then it goes without question that he should be ridiculed, shamed and generally treated as unworthy.
The next thing that will happen is that the woman convinces herself that she has to find the money for the rest of the month for the family to survive. She may even get the money from her husband’s friend who was admiring her for sometime now. Things that start off as being simple eventually turn out to be very complicated, especially when it crosses the line. And it is true that many women today cross the line with relationships that do not involve their husbands or partners, and mostly out of genuine need, not a desire.
However, many women are not discreet in their behaviour, and think that their husbands or partners deserve being cheated on because they cannot provide enough for their families. Women who allow themselves to get involved in situations like these find it hard to stop since it affects them like a power and drug trip at the same time – a hard combination to resist. Most end the relationship only when they are caught.
In the meantime, the men at home have to take it or leave it. Sadly our men cannot seem to leave; they cannot walk away from the abuse and the shame. But they must learn to do so. There is no shame in walking away.
Our women, on the other hand, must start to examine themselves closely and let their conscience be their guide. Are you verbally or physically abusing your husband? Does he deserve it? Are you doing the right thing when you abuse him and make him feel unworthy? If he is verbally and physically abusing you then you must report it – and if you are doing the same to him then he has a right to report it also. Women have to start taking responsibility for their actions, same as the men.
We are not perfect human beings and some of us are really bad, both men and women. Sometimes we are capable of horrendous acts against each other and when this happens we must be prepared to face the law and the law must not be gender biased.
Our churches also should take a hard look at what is happening to our people today and start visiting homes, lending moral and spiritual support instead of waiting for the churches to be filled. Our people need to hope and dream again and this is where our churches can play a vital role and start the people of this nation on a healing process.
On behalf of the members of The United Force, I offer my deepest sympathy to the parents of this young man of Adventure village, his wife and mother of those beautiful children, other relatives and the people of Adventure Village. May God gather the three of them in His arms and comfort them.