Spoiled by lies
I AM 22, and have been dating my boyfriend two years. Things are going well; we are both very much in love, and trust each other very much.

Sometimes I chat with people over Facebook because I’m bulimic, and it helps me curb my drastic behaviour. I’ve been chatting with one guy in particular who sometimes makes sexual innuendos. But sometimes he is a good person to talk to, in a respectable way, in order to get me on a better track.

I answer his sexual talk with general statements. For example, in one conversation, he offered to be there for me for breakup sex if my boyfriend and I parted. I answered I would need it, implying to myself I would be that upset. I know this doesn’t make what I said okay, but I figured it was worth it if our conversation sometimes made my illness better.

My boyfriend saw part of one such chat, got upset, and said he doesn’t know if he can trust me. Actually, I have trouble even imagining sex with anyone other than him, because I’ve never met anyone I could be so happy with.

My Facebook friend’s sexual overtones make me feel used, but it fascinates me someone could be so oblivious to the happiness of lasting relationships.

I can’t tell my boyfriend the real reason I did what I did, because he doesn’t know about my bulimia. Now he resists my attempts at contact, and I fear my efforts are annoying him. Help me get my soul mate back!
Cassidy

Cassidy,
The Roman god, Janus was portrayed as a man with two faces: One looking east and one looking west. For that reason, some viewed him as a symbol of duplicity. But others held that the god was looking at the past and toward the future. For them, Janus was the god of new beginnings.

You can’t imagine sex with anyone but your boyfriend, and you claim to love and trust him. Yet in two years you haven’t told him about your bulimia, and you participate in sexual conversations with another man.

You want your boyfriend to suffer the penalty you are unwilling to suffer. You get to keep him, and what does he get? A girlfriend he cannot trust.

Being who you are all the time is one of those things you only need to learn once. Learn it, and you will never be in this situation again. Learn it, and you will earn the respect of others. But fail to learn it, and you will be writing letters like this again and again.

You have been living with Janus, the god of duplicity. Live instead with the other Janus, the one from whom January, the month of new beginnings, takes its name.
Wayne & Tamara

Life in exile
MY girlfriend married her ex-boyfriend so he could get a green card and stay in the United States. At first I thought it wasn’t ideal, but would be okay, because she mentioned they would be divorced by last April.

The marriage became a bigger concern when my girlfriend’s mother invited the guy to their standing Christmas tradition in the family’s home state. When I protested, my girlfriend promised she wouldn’t let it happen.

After Christmas, things settled into a great routine, and she asked me to move in with her. Four days before the movers arrived, I found out he had in fact gone to her mother’s house in December. After speaking to an immigration lawyer, it is clear this guy will be deported if they divorce.

Now there is no end in sight for this ‘green card’ marriage. She says she can be committed to me without getting a divorce. What do you think?
Joseph

Joseph,
When your girlfriend married her former lover, that made you a man without a country. Deport yourself away from her.
Wayne & Tamara