The makings of a good father
WHAT makes a good father? Many men would like to think that they are good parents because they provide money for the family. But the reality is that children often judge their father’s worth by his love, time and affection. The desire for these surpasses the yearning for any material gift he may have to offer, no matter how expensive.
Nevertheless, many fathers often place more emphasis on the material, rather than what their children really need from them. At times, the situation is that the father is in the family, but is not involved in the lives of his children. His attention is focused elsewhere. In other cases, fathers abandon their families altogether.
Today being Fathers Day, The Guyana Chronicle spoke with two youngsters residing at a well-known Children’s Home here in the city to find out how they feel when this day rolls around every year, given their circumstances. Turns out they both haven’t seen their dads in ages. Here is what they had to say:

Brian (not his real name), who’s 14, was blithely unaware that today is Fathers Day. He hasn’t seen his father, who migrated to the United States, in three years, and was taken to the Home by an aunt. Following the death of his mother, he first went to live with his father; then his grandmother; then his aunt and uncle. But seeing that the aunt works in the ‘bush’ (interior), she could not keep him. That’s how he came to be living at the Home.
“I can’t tell you how I feel about not having my father,” Brian said, adding: “I love my father; I wish I was living with him; I would learn better.” The sad thing about it is that his dad doesn’t even know where he lives. But this doesn’t faze Brian. “I want to live with him in the future,” he said. “I sometimes enjoy living here; other times I feel like running away,” he added somewhat resignedly.

Thirteen-year-old Maria (again, a pseudonym), who lives at the same Home as Brian, said she figured she was taken there because she had not been behaving herself. As she said this, she seemed to be searching her mind for a valid reason for her being treated this way.  She’d previously lived with her mom at Timehri. Her dad never lived with them; he lives in Albouystown, here in the city, but would go visit her from time to time. Unfortunately, today is not one of those days. “I would like to spend the day with him, because I miss him,” she said wistfully.

The Chronicle also spoke to a few womenfolk out shopping and they too shared their views on what they thought of fathers of today. They were specifically asked whether they thought the men in our society were adequately living up to their responsibilities as fathers, and whether they thought those found wanting deserve to be honoured today. The following are their thoughts on the subject:

Roseanna Lucas, who is a Customer Services Representative, said her father abandoned the family about four years ago, hence Father’s Day has no meaning for her. “It’s sort of emotional…but it’s alright; I can deal with it,” she said. “The men in society are definitely not doing their part. They are downright…probably don’t have mind and a proper heart. My dad disowned me…but it’s alright,” she said.

She recalled that when her father left, it was particularly hard for her and her little brother, as they’d grown up with him all their lives, up until then. As usual, the reason he abandoned his family was because of another woman who was, among other things, more financially viable than their mother.

But over the years, she’s learnt to cope with not having a father around.  “Like every other heartbreak,” she said, “I have learned to cope with it. I understand that if he did love me, he would be here with me. It is very, very emotional. You look on the TV and see everyone with their fathers… Greetings, gifts… and I can’t do that. I have to hold it up for my little brother too.”

She has a pretty good idea why men break up their families. Oftentimes, she said, the problem stems from people getting caught up with the wrong crowd. It also comes about when people think only about themselves.

Ann Lindo, a housewife, finds that in many cases, fathers are not living up to their roles. “That’s why we have so many delinquent youths,” she said. “…like the young men stealing and killing, and being involved in many crimes. Put them to sit down, and you would hear how many of them are hurting because of absent fathers. I think the men are missing it. Many of them are being distracted and sidetracked… If you pass by the pubs… the rum shops…you would see how many men daily are there spending valuable time and money that can be used to support their families.
“I think these men should really look within. Many of them are hurting…because they came from the same type of upbringing. It is just a vicious cycle that is going on and on.”

Tiffany Forbes, a student, feels most men are not carrying out the duties that they are supposed to. “When you look at the amount of crime committed every day, the majority is by men who have children. I don’t think that’s a proper example they are setting,” she said.