I MET A woman on an Internet social site, and after a few phone conversations, we decided to meet. The first date went well, and so did the next few. For the next month or so, things were going well and progressing steadily. But when we kissed and hugged, she would withdraw. Over a period of weeks, she became more distant. I suggested we break up, but she didn’t want to. We have a good personal connection and chemistry, but she won’t commit or let me enter her personal life.
I researched emotional damage in women, and she fits the description like a glove. She’s been in three major relationships in her life, all of which ended badly. I love her very much, but do not know how to reach her heart.How do I break through the walls, and show her I care and won’t hurt her. I am not the men of her past; I am me.

Rex,
You want to show her “I am not the men of her past,” but that may be exactly the problem. She isn’t attracted to nice guys. She is attracted to aggressive, domineering men. That’s what makes her knees weak.
Perhaps it’s how her father treated her mother, or the way her first lover treated her, but whatever it is, it is imprinted on her. You want to put the fault on the men in her life, but at this point, the fault is within her.
Can she change? Will she? Those are the questions. If she sees her life as the result of her own actions and decisions, she may. But if, as is more likely, she feels outside forces are in control, she will minimise problems and refuse to act; she will address life as a fatalist.
When the pressure in a pressure cooker reaches a certain point, a valve opens, releasing steam and preventing the pressure from rising higher. Often, ‘nice guys’ with damaged women function in the same way; they are safety valves. They release the psychic pressure the woman is under, but once the strain lowers, the woman will go back to her last lover or one like him.
Not what you want to hear, we know. But everyone out there is not someone for us to fix. This is someone who needs individual counselling, once she decides to change.