You have to tell your children the truth, because an adulterer will tell them a lie. Your husband not only deceived you, he set up a new life for himself while stringing you along. You can’t do that to your kids. How can you teach them honesty if you allow lies to stand in the middle of the family? Who can they believe if you start lying to them, too? There’s another reason to tell the truth: Women who aren’t forthright with their children, while their former husband is telling them whoppers, are often abandoned by those children when they grow older. Dad becomes the good guy, while mom is labeled the one who broke up the family.

Calling his daughters evil is a vile act. It is psychological abuse of the first order, and it damages all three children. Your husband is eating away at his daughters’ self-esteem, and encouraging his son to demean women. A man who says things like that needs to be out of the house and away from young lives who need nurturance, not cruelty.

Your husband has not learned or grown from the experience of his first marriage. Notifying you by e-mail was a cowardly act. It gives us his character in a nutshell. It invalidates his claim about your failings. But there is an obvious psychological explanation. He knows he is in the wrong.

Good recycles good, just as bad recycles bad. Honesty in relationships promotes more honesty; dishonesty promotes dishonesty. You must provide your children with what is right, but how can you do that when your heart is shattered?

The answer is simple: What you are going through follows a predictable pattern. If you try to find your way out by yourself, you are likely to flounder. But if you take the guidance of those who have been there before, you will recover more quickly than you can now imagine.

Depression, anger, denial, and grief are only a few of the emotions cycling through your head. An excellent way to recover from this trauma and begin your new life is by reading ‘Rebuilding’, a book by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti.

And let your children know the facts. Their father’s got a girlfriend, and when you are married, you are not allowed to do that. If a person wants out of a marriage, the honourable course is divorce, not deceit.