In 1928, the eminent psychologist, John Watson wrote a bestselling book on parenting. Watson told parents comforting a crying child only rewards crying. Watson even suggested babies would be better off raised on ‘baby farms’, away from their interfering parents. John Watson’s advice was 100 per cent wrong, but some of his ideas persist to this day. The best research suggests responding positively to crying produces children who are securely attached to their parents, and a secure bond makes a child free to conquer the world.

Ask yourself: Who is legally responsible for my baby? Who is financially responsible for my baby? Who will social service agencies hold responsible for my baby’s wellbeing? The answer, in each case, is you and your husband.

You are the first caretakers of your baby; no one else. If you were hiring a babysitter, a daycare provider, or a nanny, the first thing you would look for is someone who handles your child in accordance with your wishes. These are critical times in your child’s life. You can’t play tug-of-war with anyone who undermines your parenting.

It may take a village to raise a child, but not when the child is being pulled apart by different factions. Good grandparents don’t embroil you in battles. Your mother-in-law may be a product of a time when children didn’t wear bike helmets or sit in car seats, but that doesn’t give her a right to be a claim jumper.

Childcare author, Elizabeth Pantley has written many books on no-cry solutions to childhood problems. Even people who don’t agree with her admit each of her books offers many good ideas.

Pantley’s newest book deals with separation anxiety and stranger anxiety. It is called ‘The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution’, and it is based on research from parents in 25 countries. We recommend it.

You and your husband are likeminded. You have tried to explain matters to your mother-in-law. When explanation and reasoning fail, you must take action.

There is a simple solution. If your mother-in-law doesn’t want to follow your wishes, then she has decided not to see your baby. If she wishes to see your baby, then she can change her outlook. But if you cannot cope with denying visits, then make each stay a micro-visit where the harm she can do is nil.