I AM happily married to a wonderful man, and we have two beautiful children. I am also the daughter of an alcoholic father, and a mother who has unwittingly enabled him the whole time they have been together. My father is a Vietnam veteran, and unlike so many who deem this as the be-all excuse to drinking, I never have. My mother is an old-fashioned woman with a heart of gold. She is strong and would do anything to hold her family together; anything, that is, except recognise my father for what he is.

For many years now, my father’s drinking has been exceptionally bad, and my parents argue terribly almost every night. Mum has threatened to leave him before, using the old “it’s me or the drink” line, but then failed to stick to her guns.

I have two sisters. The oldest has removed herself somewhat from the family; the middle one has completely removed herself. I am here, not five minutes from mum and dad’s house, holding onto all the baggage I can handle.

Very recently, I blew my stack and told my father he is a horrible man, and I could not tolerate life with him anymore. I left, knowing the backlash would fall on my mother. Three days later, my mother told me they fought that whole night. She told him I was right, and that it all came down to his drinking. She said she wanted a separation, which he could not accept.

He agreed perhaps he did need help and rang Vet’s Affairs. He made an appointment with a psychologist in two weeks’ time. I know he will not make it through two weeks without drinking, and though she says she means it, I doubt mum will leave him when he does.
I don’t want to live this lie anymore, and I do not want my young children to be a part of this nightmare either. How can I help him to make sure he gets what he needs in order to succeed?