There is an old saying that you can always tell a Harvard man, but you can’t tell him much. Parents of teenagers know exactly what that means. Even teens who acknowledge folly in others remain stuck in the folly of “bad things can’t happen to me.” Just as there is a difference between playing to win and playing not to lose, so there is a difference between big sister and friend. Big sister expresses a familial connection which allows one to step over bounds at times. It also means don’t bring disgrace to us or harm the family.

Friendship is more laissez-faire. It implies the other person is free to make their own mistakes, as long as it doesn’t hurt the friend. If you play not to lose this girl’s friendship, you can’t protect her. Standing back, in effect, consents to what she does.

Though your friend may be flattered by interest from an adult male, there is a vast difference between 16 and 22 in brain development, socialization, sexuality, and life experience. The law understands this, and so do the norms of society.

Tell this girl, in your own words, the dangers you foresee; it is better to play big sister because, if you don’t speak up and bad things happen, you will feel responsible.
Wayne & Tamara