Dear Friends,
IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY once again, and I bet you’ve been all hyped-up over the last few days, intently working on selecting that perfect gift or that  ‘Say-it-for-me’ card  that magically and articulately conveys to that special someone a thought you’d desperately like to convey, but invariably would blush to express.

Today, as we celebrate yet another Valentine’s Day, a day that emphasizes love, and when we do the extra to show our love and appreciation to those we cherish or hold dear, we can think of many persons we’d like say ‘A Happy Valentine’ to, or shower with gifts.

Invariably, those taking priority on our Valentine gift-lists are our spouses, parents, fiancé and children — something which has been honoured from time immemorial.   

But can you imagine the joy you would bring to so many hearts, and the thrill they would each experience, were you, within your means, to purchase as many red roses or bouquets

and take the to hospital wards where there are Persons Living with HIV/AIDS (PLHIVs)?

Perhaps too, there is someone in your home or life living with HIV/AIDS and needs, more than at any other time, to be shown love and showered with affection.

It is often said that poverty and social exclusion are two of the major forces driving the spread of HIV and hastening the demise of those already living with HIV, and so, by extension, when we show love, affection and appreciation for PLHIV, we are contributing to helping them enjoy a healthier quality of life. 

Just imagine the fulfillment you’ll be able to experience, and the joy a PLHIV would be able to derive if you were to do just one small good turn that would make a difference in their lives.  Think about the predicament of many PLHIVs — forgotten by relatives and now living solitary lives; hungry and not knowing where the next meal is going to come from; suffering dementia and needing someone to remind him or her that it’s time to take their medication;  or perhaps needing a glass of pure water with which to take his/her medication. 

Perhaps, herein lies your opportunity to do something that would make the difference in the life of someone needing love and with the capacity to lastingly appreciate what you do for him/her.

It is often said that flowers speak the language of love, so in addition to giving a Valentine’s gift to that special person in your life, you may also use flowers to say “I Love You” to someone  without any sort of intimacy attached.

Or maybe you are mature, and in a relationship where both parties are HIV-positive, and have somehow allowed yourselves to lose interest in sexual intercourse.  It doesn’t have to be that way. Speak with your counselor and let him/her tell you how to overcome these psychological barriers.

Then too, as a partner in a sero-discordant relationship (where one has HIV and the other doesn’t), you need not try to get out of the relationship on the basis of fear that you too will become HIV-infected.  Provided that you consistently use the condom in sexual relationships, there is no need for you to feel insecure and opt out.

Keep the flame alive. Do lots of fun things together.  Plan together for a bright future ahead.  Remember, sexual activity is not the be-all and end-all in a matrimonial relationship. There are many other things a couple can do to prove their love for each other, namely, being caring and compassionate, faithful, understanding; being there for each other.

But most of all, remember that having HIV is not a death sentence.  Particularly with antiretroviral therapy becoming more within the reach of PLHIVs, the chances of living longer and enjoying a healthier quality of life, there are good reasons for a sero-discordant couple to share a meaningful relationship and plan for a bright future ahead.

So, if you are in male a sero-discordant relationship, as you celebrate Valentine’s Day today, give your wife a treat.  If you find it’s too expensive to take her out, have a good day together, starting with attending a church service, after which you can enjoy a sumptuous lunch delicately prepared by her, and later in the evening, have dinner together in a cosy, dimly-lit room, savouring the fragrance of your favourite perfume, while listening to soft music.
Yours,
Shirla