Her Strength
A NEW wound makes all the old ones ache again.

“So true,” thought Vivian Thomas aloud, as her eyes scanned the words of the daily quote in the local newspapers.

With a laugh, the 27-year-old put the papers away on the coffee table and got up from the livingroom couch to shower and get ready.

She was meeting her new boyfriend, Nathan Duke who was three years her senior, for lunch and as she glanced at the clock, she realised she just had an hour to get ready.
They met almost a month ago, and Vivian was truly happy, for the first time in a long time, as her life finally seemed to be going in the direction she wanted it to.
She was in the process of getting her third novel published. She owned a beautiful home in a decent part of the city, and her lovelife was looking up.

Nathan was not only a hunk (Mind you, Vivian was not half bad herself either), but he was smart, too. He was a producer who not only managed his own video-graphic setup, but also worked with advertising and that sort of thing.

“I think I really like him,” Vivian admitted as she stared at the full length of her body in the mirror while she got dressed.
More importantly, she felt comfortable with him. She could let her guard down, she could even hum a tune when they fell into a comfortable silence. She was happy.
Her gaze slowly became unfocused as she recalled the events of the previous evening.

She and Nathan had spent the entire evening at a cozy restaurant, caught up in each other, just talking.
“Ha-ha,” she laughed, as she recalled the face of the waitress who was obviously annoyed that she had to wait until closing time on two grown people acting like teenage sweethearts, who didn’t even order a juice, refusing her the chance to earn a tip.

Thankfully, however, that waitress’ soured countenance did not affect the evening, as afterwards, Nathan walked her home, a delightfully slow process, hands clasped tightly together.

She smiled as she recalled the sweet bliss and the joy of the moment that engulfed them, seemingly separating them from the rest of the world.
She sighed just as the shrill of her telephone reached her ears.

“Hello!”
“Good day, sunshine,” came Nathan’s smooth drawl.
Vivian’s heart raced a few beats faster at the sound of his voice and, as naturally as breathing, a smile spread all over her face, remaining there long after Nathan left her at her door later that day.
“…Nathan! Nathan!”
She screamed over and over, bidding him desperately to her side, needing him to save her from the torture the dark figure in front of her presented.  He chuckled. She heard, in surprise, and she stared at him then to the frightening presence inching its way closer and closer to her.
“Nathan, help me!” she commanded.
The chuckle came again, closer this time. And as she looked up, she saw Nathan’s face.
“Nooooooooo!” Vivian screamed.
Gasping, she awoke with a start.
“A dream; only a dream,” she calmed herself as she pulled the bed covers closer around her body.
She felt exposed somehow, naked and vulnerable, in a way that reminded her of a fierce burning that had scorched her before.
Her thoughts took her, unwillingly, back to a time when her world turned-turtle and things went haywire.
“There’s always calm before a storm,” she said somewhat philosophically.
She started to worry then, and a feeling of uncertainty nagged at her… deep.
Was it her intuition? Or was it nerves acting up?
Vivian had had more than her share of bad run-ins when it came to the relationship scene, so her ‘inexperience’ with anything lasting more than a few months was, more often than not, a real cause for worry.

Nathan was a sweet and charming person, Vivian reasoned, and with that, she resolved not to let her past affect her present. But, could she risk her fragile heart for a chance at something that only MIGHT be.
A new wound makes all the old ones ache again.
The words from the morning’s quote pushed their way to the front of her mind.
“It doesn’t always take a new wound; sometimes just a painful reminder can bring back past pains.” Vivian sighed into the empty night air.
With that, she lay back down and considered the uncertainty that was in front of her; the uncertainty of whether or not she would be hurt again being the most poignant.
Over the next few days, Vivian was tormented by ‘What ifs’, and, complicating the issue was the fact that not once did Nathan call her.
It was all silly, really, her worry, but tormenting her was the possibility of getting hurt.
The rejection she would feel… the rejection she’d felt in past relationships… breakups that were not entirely her fault;  just that she had just gotten involved with the wrong people.

“But how do you ever know who the right person is?” Vivian asked herself.
“Hmm!” she sighed.
One Saturday morning while lazing around, she realised that her weekend held no promise of any sort of activity.
Her phone rang later that day; Nathan had called to say his cousin was involved in an accident, which was why he had been out of touch.
Vivian couldn’t stop smiling.

He had called, and her worrying had been all for nothing, it seemed.
It seemed…
Two weeks after that, the excuses began to pile up, always ending with the promise of: “I’ll call you back in two minutes.”
Of course, later never came, and the weight of the endless wait and the uncertainty eventually grew tiring.
“Hello!” Vivian said hesitantly one day after deciding to give Nathan a call.
“Hi babes! What’s up?” he said.
“Not much. What are you up to?”
“Not a thing; not a single thing.”
“Good,    then. If you are not busy, maybe we can see each other later? Have a nice dinner maybe?”
“Oh, no!I can’t! I got this advertisement to finish off, but maybe later. I’ll call you back in two minutes, okay.”
“Yeah. Okay. Goodbye.”
Goodbye indeed, because Vivian never spoke to, nor faced Nathan again. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
In the moment she made that decision, a William Shakespeare’s quote came to her mind (Being a writer causes one to be philosophical at times).
“Our doubts are often traitors that make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt.”
Vivian sighed a weary sigh.

Yes! She’d had bad experiences and… Yes! She went into the relationship with fears about having her heart broken. But this was not her fault; she actually tried to make it work.

“We were prob
ably too… I don’t even know what went wrong,” she said aloud to herself one day.
As she wondered at what might have been, Vivian placed the week’s events at the back of her mind with a stronger resolve. “I’m all I’ve got, and I will not compromise that.”

But still… She’d wonder every once in a while.
Like the lyrics of Blackhawk’s song go: ‘She tries to forget but she hasn’t yet…She opens her heart to an old memory. She closes her eyes and she smiles. Just ask her if she ever still thinks about what could be. She’ll say ‘Every once in a while, Every once in a while’.’

A woman has strengths that amaze men.
She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when she feels like screaming,
Sings when she feels like crying,
Cries when she’s happy and laughs when she’s afraid.
Her love is unconditional, but
Alas
The only problem is that she forgets what she’s worth.