A SCARDALE, New York mother of two did what most people think of doing when their children quarrel among themselves over trivial matters. She pulled over and asked her 10 and 12 year-old daughters to get out of the car. According to reports, the older daughter made it back into the car, but the younger ended up at a local police station. When I heard the story, I couldn’t imagine what it really took to create that emotion. But then again, we all have had our parenting moments.

This story sparked off one of America’s most judgmental conversations about ‘bad mothers’; suffice it to say, when she turned up at the police station to report that the 10-year-old, whom she had left standing at the corner, was missing, she was arrested and charged with child endangerment and put behind bars.

I wouldn’t attempt to say that mothers are bad. I believe that every mother loves her child; but not every mother knows how to express that love. Some are huggers; some say I love you every moment; while others, for one reason or the other, are able to suppress their true feelings and because it isn’t transparent, it is often misconstrued.

While I do not celebrate Madelyn Primoff ’s action and consider it obviously imprudent, I don’t think that it would be fair to say she did not love her children without taking all the facts into consideration.

Some mothers believe that to express love, a child must be chastised when it does wrong, cursed, beat upon and even ostracized; while others use kisses, encouraging words, time- out or even gifts in order to effect positive change in their lives.

Sometimes those same mothers who are presumed unlovable are the first to confront the teacher who hits the child, and perhaps the first to say, “Go pick up your book,” or “Trust in God,” or utter other words of encouragement.

I know of one mother whose son was on drugs, and when he was incarcerated, she never visited him. Would you say that she did not love him? On the contrary, it did help him to turn his life around — we call it ‘tough love’.

Oft’times you read stories or hear these testimonies:

“My mother took me to the orphanage when I was just five years old. I remember her telling me to stay with the nice lady. I couldn’t believe she was doing that to me. I stood there clinging to my rag doll as she scurried off. It was a rainy day in October. I could never forget how I screamed frantically, as I watched my mother hop into a car. The gentleman at the door told me that my mother was ill, and that she will take care of herself and come back for me. My mother never did.”

Obede James, now a pastor, testified that when he was born, his mother wanted a girl. He had struggled for years in a sea of resentment and rejection. At age nine, he left home and began to fend for himself until he was rescued by a priest. Today, as he stands before his congregation, he never dreamt that he would have been that lost one winning souls for Christ.

Fifty-five-year-old Maxime bemoans the fact that she did not have a loving relationship with her mother. She was utterly despised when she complained about the abuse of her mother’s boyfriend when she was 12 and still detest comments like: “You are the splitting image of your mother.” She cries out for that love every Mothers Day.

I responded to a knock at my gate the other day. It was a woman asking for a meal. It turned out that her daughter who worked with an international organisation spared

no opportunity in compensating her for the neglect she had shown. Consequently, she had resorted to begging.

The story is told about Matthew Saad Muhammad (born Maxwell Antonio Loach, June 16, l954), a former boxer who was the world’s light heavyweight champion (becoming popular in the70s and early 80s). Muhammad’s mother died when he was five, and he and his elder brother were sent to live with an aunt. The aunt found that she couldn’t afford to look after them both and she instructed Saad’s brother to take him to the Philadelphia Benjamin Franklin Parkway and then run away. As fate would have it, he was taken in by the Catholic Social Services. The nuns there gave him the name Matthew Franklin after the name of the Saint and the park where he was abandoned. He retired from professional boxing with a record of 39 wins, 29 of which were by knockouts, 16 losses, and three draws.

I particularly like to share this very moving article on 25-year-old Colombian middleweight boxer, Edison Miranda, whose teenage mother neglected him at a tender age. He was described as a ‘hot potato’, tossed from family to friends. He had searched for and found his mother; she was then married and well off; but she abandoned him a second time. So the then nine-year-old became a man on his own, living on the streets. He found himself sleeping under trees, eating dead animals and chasing after lizards and whatever came out of the garbage cans. Six years after his mother turned her back on him, boxing opened its arms and he started his amateur career. Edison boasts 128 wins among his 132 fights with potential to succeed at the world title shot.

This particular problem involving mothers who abandon their children is not a new one; neither is it peculiar to Guyana. It is significant to note, however, that the one common thread running through these stories is that the victims, having suffered, have come out stronger in the service of God and their fellow men.

The exceptional mothers that I have highlighted here have caused you pain; but they, too, must have been hurting. They might have caused you to weep; but they, too, have wept. They might have caused you stress; but most of them were also stressed out. You have been crying out for help; but who knows, they too might have pleaded for help. They were harassed and impulsive; some of them could have been single parents who were caught in a web weaved with an invisible string of love unexpressed.

I ask myself what was the one good thing that my mother did for me, and immediately, the fact that she brought me into this world presented itself. We did not enjoy the most loving relationship. I too have had my bouts of resentment. My point is that we all ought to be grateful. Had she not been obedient when she conceived and brought us into the world, where would we have been?

We might not be able to control some circumstances that happen to us because most of them are inevitable; but we can control the way we react to them. God sends us through the clinic of suffering, but by His grace, He brings us out with greater confidence and faith. A blessing in disguise it will always be. So, next time you feel resentful towards mom, stop and reflect on that one good thing she might have done. Remember! She brought you into this world, and you got through it all as only you could. Be grateful!

Happy Mothers Day and God Bless You!