SELWYN COLLINS: Guyana’s son with the ‘Midas Pen’
The multi-talented Selwyn Collins
The multi-talented Selwyn Collins

MANY Guyanese have, for one reason or another, left these shores to develop their talents or skills, and they continue to shine in the name of their homeland through their many splendid exploits overseas.

I recently had the distinct pleasure to interact with overseas-based Guyanese author Selwyn Collins, who is popular for his stirring pieces and has propelled not only himself but even Guyana ‘among the cluster of elites’ where talented writers are concerned.

Selwyn Collins autographs one of his books for an adorable fan
Selwyn Collins autographs one of his books for an adorable fan

I instantly realised that this man was a man of many wonders, and was also very deep and intense in his beliefs and aspirations.

“My greatest fear is that I might one day forget that I am more than the sum of my mistakes,” he confided. “My favourite quote is one given to me during one of my excursions into my stillness: “Fear not what fear whispers to you; fear your obedience to it,” he declared.

This quote he eventually gave to others through his inspiring book ‘The EartHeart Knows’.
The book, a collection of blessings and meditation for one’s daily life, was written as a gift to his mother and all the beautiful women who have, in some way, contributed to the person he is today.

Collins reminisced on how ecstatic his mother had been after she had received the advance copy. He said her words of encouragement and her declaration of how proud she was had a profound effect on him.

“I cried, and the tears soaked my shirt as I fought back the sounds in my throat,” he revealed.

The launching of his book was done on June 30, 2012, and was well attended. The book was well received, sold well, and has provided much comfort to many.
“People have told me that they have given copies as gifts to others experiencing challenging times. I am happy I wrote it, because of what it does for others; but, more importantly, because it made my mother proud of me.

“However, I could not have done this without encouragement from people like my significant other; my close friends; and my sons, who always believed I needed to share with others some of the wisdom I shared with them,” he disclosed.

Two years after the book had been launched, Collins was sitting among a group of other recipients at a Guyana Cultural Association (GCA) award ceremony at the Brooklyn Borough Hall, wondering again how he did get there. He was being honoured for Innovation in New Media. GCA’s theme for 2014 was ‘Bridging the cultural and ethnic divides’; and there he sat, still pondering how it began.

Excited fans gather to get their copy of inspiring writings
Excited fans gather to get their copy of inspiring writings

Selwyn was first introduced to broadcast media in early 2012, when he was invited by a neighbour and his wife to host the Pepper Pot segment of his show, ‘Coalition to Preserve Reggae’.

It was nerve-racking in the beginning, but the gifted man soon adjusted. When he left several months later, the bug of speaking with people on a live show had bitten him, so he decided to start his own initiative, dubbed ‘Conversations With Selwyn’ in May of 2012.

“I was crazy to step into such an arena. Who would come and converse with me? And how would I afford it? Those were my initial fears, but I persevered. The guests came and CWS grew. ‘CWS Journeys’, as I call it today, is video and a live production, which is interactive through a chat room where the audience gets to participate in the conversation,” he said.

This medium was born to provide a media space where people can educate and empower others by sharing their journeys and stories. He wanted to create an oral history of lives of Guyanese and other Caribbean nationals of note, so that future generations would have an idea of how those people had lived, and what were their trials, successes and triumphs in spite of the many challenges they had faced.

Selwyn believes it is important to show that success is not without commitment, focus, and sacrifice. He hopes that, through these conversations, people can be inspired with hope and positive action.

“I avoid negativity and sensationalism because I believe in a broadcast where people can be their best selves; and I encourage others to step beyond their challenges and limitations and transform and make a positive contribution to society.

“My diverse guests appear on the show through various recommendations, my reaching out, or they themselves requesting to be on the show. Everyone is welcome, regardless of colour or creed. When I am not broadcasting, I am managing my web development company, Selco2000 Web Solutions, coding, creating something artistic, or writing,” he disclosed.

WHO REALLY IS THIS GUY?
You may want to ask who is Selwyn Collins? Where did he come from? And how did he get here?

In short, he is an author, a WebTV talk show host, and an entrepreneur; but those are only some of the many facets he enjoys.

Selwyn was born in Guyana, and resided in three places: Vergenoegen, Phoenix Park, and Campbellville.

He arrived at his present status through a journey of determination, trials and tribulations, pains and sacrifice, tough choices and decisions.

“ ‘Who is Selwyn Collins?’ is not a question that I take lightly, as I have never been able to answer it without some anxiety, doubt, or fear that I do not really know who this person is. The truth is I am still getting to know me, and as I peel away each layer, hoping to find rhyme or reason to some of my choices and answers to some of life’s proverbial questions, I have been asking…As far as I can remember, I realize I have always been on a journey of self-discovery. The truth is (that) I have always been ambivalent about describing who I am, because I have never believed I can do justice to the sum of my experiences, good and bad, that have molded me.”
He continued: “Two deeper fears come from believing that I cannot fairly describe me without condemnation or judgment and the risk of underestimating or overestimating what I think of myself.”

“Sometimes I wonder if it is just my story, or maybe it is really because I enjoy the freedom of not knowing exactly who I am, and being able to create me in whatever image I choose,” he confided.

Selwyn declares that he is bold yet shy; deeply spiritual, but not very religious. He further states that he is very creative, curious, inquisitive, forgiving, loving, respectful, technical and understanding.

That aside, he loves nature, young people, laughter, music; and is comfortable in his own company.

“Then there is my intimacy with solitude. It is one of my favourite pastimes for the quietude it allows. I love meditating, being still, listening to the persistent melodies of silence, introspection, and praying.

“I am never lonely, but I cherish the creative freedom in being alone. It is fitting to say that I am in awe of the sheer majesty and mystery of aloneness. I also love to write, so it is ironic and strange how paralyzing I find this exercise to describe who I am.
What a dilemma, this paradox that I am me, yet I cannot write easily or fluently about me.

“I realize also that to know me, or even attempt to explain who I am, I must indulge my past to find among the debris pieces I can put together to form a picture.

“I must examine all my experiences — the pains and sorrows, the joys and euphorias, the disappointments and failures, and the successes and triumphs; each experience is a compass to my choices and decisions; perhaps they are tools of fate, each molding me into who I am and am becoming,” he said.

Public speaking is also definitely one of his strong points
Public speaking is also definitely one of his strong points

THE JOURNEY
Selwyn’s journey began on April 3rd 1962, after his mother, Mrs. Marjorie Collins, gave birth to him, her ninth and last child at the Georgetown Public Hospital.

For the first nine years of his life, he grew up in Vergenoegen, which is a small village of mixed races on the East Bank of the Essequibo River.

He was disciplined when necessary, and his mother hardly spared the rod. His father, Edwin Albert Collins, deceased, I believe, had retired from the Police Force by the time he had arrived in this world, so he had never seen him in uniform. As a matter of fact, he had hardly seen his as he had lived and worked in Wismar at the bauxite company, and visited only when he could.

“I was a very inquisitive, happy, and playful child with lots of friends. Everyone, especially my mother, indulged my curiosity with patience. I loved to read, so I read everything in sight. My mother enjoyed my reading, and I enjoyed watching her eyes light up as she encouraged me on. A smile and hug usually followed.

“It was affection and an attachment that grew even more as I got older. It is only through reflection that I began to understand the abundant unconditional love my mother had for me then, and still does today. Her compassion for others knows no bounds. I have never heard her utter a bad word about anyone. She taught me to be humble, to forgive, and to love those even if I believe they do not love me.  Most important, she instilled in me the power of prayer, and advised that I must never forget to pray,” he disclosed.

“The family moved to Phoenix Park (Vreed-en-Hoop) for a little over a year, then to Campbellville, Georgetown, where we settled”. It is there he met this marvellous woman whom he describes as one of the women who have made a tremendous impact in his life. She was Ms. Edwards, his Common Entrance lessons teacher. It is there where he met some life-long friends. They haven’t been in touch much, but the bonds never weakened and the connection has never faded.

In 1974, Selwyn passed Common Entrance and started attending Queen’s College. The following year, he was transferred to Bishops’ High School to begin the era of coeducation among the top secondary schools.

He completed high school and started working at Royal Bank of Canada in approximately 1981. By then — and much to his mother’s displeasure — he was no longer an altar boy. “I was tired of serving, Father De Weaver’s strictness, and nothing she said really convinced me to adorn the red and white again.

“In September 1982, my sons were born. Three years later, I migrated to the United States.
The transition was very difficult for me, and I refused to bring my children into the chaos and stress I was experiencing. It was a controversial decision, because no one agreed with it. I was alone in this, and suffered the consequences. This fed a deep depression and withdrawal from friends, and family. Over time, I became more withdrawn, hardly allowing anyone close. I trusted no one with my feelings except my mother.”

In between, he made the occasional visits to Guyana, most recently in December 2012, but his heart was always heavy. The weight of knowing he could not afford to give his children more, and that he was ostracized for his decision to not bring them into his situation in the US, was too much to bear. No one seemed to understand, so he avoided anyone who criticized or judged him. There was no one to turn to, so he chose the only available path — solitude. It was maddening, and the internal condemnation was deafening.

“I have often wondered how I survived in America. I believe what prevented me from losing my mind and gave me hope were my mother’s unconditional love and encouraging words that I was born to make a difference to others, that I am gifted, and that everything in life is temporary.

“I must not write this without exposing the not-so-commendable side of me. I did something that is most shameful. It is my deepest regret, shame, and sorrow that, in 1988, when my daughter was born, I did not accept the responsibility that she is mine. Worse, I kept it a secret from my family, including my mother. I was so afraid and so ashamed of myself and what I had done that I stayed away from any situation where there was a possibility of someone calling me out on my indiscretion.

“In so doing, I believe that I denied myself and others the better, and perhaps the best of me. How could I have done that is a question that haunts me to this day. It was my deepest secret, and I am deeply sorry for the pains this would have caused everyone involved. I pray that I am truly forgiven this transgression.

“I promised myself many years later that I’ll never get another woman pregnant, and I’ll never get married until I make it right with my daughter. I have kept those promises.

Fate, it seems, is however merciful but with a sick sense of humour. It must have felt sorry for me and the years of self-condemnation to introduce into my life this person, this beautiful young woman who is forgiving and loving. The irony is not lost on me that this person who should be bitter forbids me from beating up on myself for what I had done. I am truly grateful,” he disclosed.

He had been a wreck for many years, trying to survive his own doubts, condemnation and fears. No one knew about his struggles with academia, finances, a huge tax obligation and his daughter; so he hid from everyone, and avoided intimate conversations about himself.

Nevertheless, he knew it was a choice he had made, no matter how painful; and even though his humanity caused him ambivalence, there is one thing he knows for certain, and that is: “my past can be as encouraging as it is admonishing, exacting, and even unforgiving. It is not me, but an important part of me”.

Selwyn writes candidly, not because he feels some sense of security that he will not be condemned, judged, or ridiculed, but because it would be dishonest to omit his unfavourable side and his bad experiences, no matter how painful.

He writes as a map of his journey to encourage others who might be in pain for past transgressions, or cannot find peace because of fear of discovery, or because they are ashamed to see it as a life that is not without its trials or triumphs.

“Perhaps it is selfish of me to choose this moment to indulge catharsis, but I assure you that whatever the reaction, private or public, it is worth it because I feel free. This is a freedom and a relief I cannot put into words, but I feel free to attempt this fire walk, this scream into the bowels of an echoing valley, this spiritual bungee jump.

“According to my experience, no freedom is greater than the freedom from regrets and shame. This journey stripped and whipped me. It humbled but transformed me with its harsh lessons. I dare not complain; and when I think of the burning, pounding, and polishing metal must go through to become a magnificent sword, or the pressure a stone must endure for many years to be transformed into a diamond, I am thankful for my experiences.

“Who am I to complain or deny any of my experiences? I aspire to give more of myself through my art, my broadcasts, and my writings.

“I must acknowledge patience, resilience, and love as my strengths, as I acknowledge occasional excursions into the past, perfection, and solitude as my weaknesses.

“It is my hope that revealing so much of me and my journey will, in some way, empower others — someone, especially my peers — to embrace their truth and find the courage to confront and interrogate their deepest doubts, fears, or secrets; and to be so transformed, if only to answer that proverbial question: ‘Who am I?”

By Alex Wayne

 

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