A girlfriend urgently needed blood so her boyfriend donated to her. A couple weeks later they broke up and the boyfriend asked back for his blood. The girlfriend threw a pad at him and said “I’ll pay you back in monthly installments!” 

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Dad: Look son, a flock of cows! Son: Herd of cows dad… Dad: Of course I’ve heard of cows! There’s a flock of them right over there.
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Waiter: Sir, are you ready to order? Man: yes please, I’ll have what that baby’s having over there
Waiter: Sir… That baby is being breastfed
Dear Google, please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will you please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting?
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Teacher: Who can explain gender discrimination with an example? Student: Women can sleep with whoever they want; men have to sleep with whoever lets them!
Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.