SOME parents are at a loss when it comes to dealing with their teenage children – and why these children should have an attitude or be ‘own way’ or ‘hard ears’ is a complete mystery to them.

It’s a fact that communicating with younger children is easer: adults are bigger, wiser, and small children do pretty much as they are told. But as children grow and are more exposed to the world, their thoughts and opinions grow too. They begin to recognise themselves as individuals with independent views and ideas and, although they can still be guided by adults, they begin to interpret the people and life around them.

Whether a child is raised in a nuclear family, an extended or a one-parent family it makes no difference, some teenagers develop attitude problems and some adults lack the patience or know-how to deal with their child. These problems can range from teens trying to push the boundaries to teens sleeping out and parents being unaware of their whereabouts.

It helps if parents do not allow awkward behaviour to initially get out of hand. At the first sign of an undesirable tone of voice, a ‘kiss-teeth’ under the breath or a show of challenging body language from a child, the parent must ‘pull up’ the child immediately. The child must understand that certain behaviours will not be tolerated.

To keep an effective check on children in this way is difficult given the fast pace at which we live nowadays. It seems as if society somewhat dictating, the amount of time we have available to meaningfully discipline our children. As a result, parents might let things slide and before they know it their child is an adolescent who thinks he/she knows everything.

Parents blame their teenagers for the break down and teenagers blame their parents and the discord between them seems irreparable. The adult believes the child needs to show respect and should know his/her place and the child believes that the adult is out of touch and unreasonable.

One of the main types of disrespects that teens have toward adults is when the adult is untrustworthy and does not practice what he/she preaches. If an adult tells lies and fails to set good examples during the years preceding adolescence then during adolescence a teen might retaliate and act up. Relationships can also break down between teens and adults when parents separate but fail to get along amicably.

The child might blame one of the parents for the break-up or, as is also quite common, the parents ‘bad talk’ each other, influencing the child. This causes further division and forces the child to take sides. Many estranged parents initially feel that the day will come when the child will be old enough to understand his/her side of the story but for the majority, that day never arrives.

When an estranged parent struggles to maintain a relationship with his/her child it usually becomes less of a priority and eventually they move on: leaving the child to grow with a sense of loss which may manifest itself through undesirable behaviour during adolescence.
So many varied scenarios can be given to describe the reasons why relationships malfunction between teens and their parents/guardians. Trying to repair them will take

time and patience on both sides. Recognising the need to repair them is the first step.
Start as you mean to continue, if children reach out for any reason, don’t cut them off, or try to teach them a lesson by ignoring them, do not fuel your anger. Listen to them and assist them if you can but proceed carefully. Try not to bring up the past or any bitter, negative feelings.

Allow children to speak their minds without interruption. Do not attempt to defend yourself or justify your actions immediately and especially if emotions are running high. Choose appropriate words and maybe even a more suitable occasion before responding or explaining your standpoint.

This is not a recipe for allowing children to have the upper hand it’s simply a way of finding some common ground: a starting point for adults to take charge of a hostile situation instead of allowing it to fester. If you truly want to repair your relationship with your teen, you must also analyse your own behaviours and where they stems from. What type of attitudes and emotions do you bring to the situation and what mistakes have you made? You can talk to a Childcare and Protection Officer for advice on 227 4427 or 227 4082.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION