PARENTS play a big role in what their children end up thinking about themselves; therefore, it is necessary to nurture them with some positive inspiration during their childhood.  When children are young they believe whatever their parents tell them. So if they are told they are useless and stupid, they will believe it and internalise the feeling of hopelessness.

They might even feel unloved and unaccepted, when in truth, to the adult calling the child stupid may have been nothing but a frivolous remark. How adults interact with children and especially the words they use to reprimand them can affect, not only how the child views himself, but it can also limit the child’s capabilities.

A child who believes he is stupid may not try his best in school because there is very little to which he should aspire: he already knows he is stupid because that is what his parents have told him. Unless someone comes along and changes the inner concept that he has of himself, he may either outgrow the belief he has adopted or he may believe it for the rest of his life.

Some children and adolescents are not even aware of the reasons why they have various hang-ups and problems affecting their social, academic, and even moral growth and development. However, the way adults and parents nurture and interact with them is an essential component in their present outlook and can be a deciding factor in their expected outcome in life.

Some adults humiliate children because of their personal, emotional reasons or inner grievances. Maybe they were told harsh things as a child or maybe they achieve a sense of satisfaction from taking out their bitterness on children. They say things like: ‘I sorry I ever make you, I should have had an abortion’, or they tell their girlchildren, ’you gan be a little whore, just like yuh aunty.’

There are many more damaging things that adults tell children, which do nothing to enhance the child’s self-assurance or sense of well-being. Children can be affected emotionally and not even realise the impact cruel and harsh words are making on their lives. And then at a later date, the same adults who were verbally abusive wonder how the child turned out this way or that… not recognising, of course, that their lack of positive input could’ve been a key factor.

To ensure you are giving your child the best opportunities to succeed, here are seven things you can do.
1)   Include your child in decision-making. Let your child know that his opinion is valued. Too many parents have the attitude ‘Is me child and whatever I say…is duh.’ When parents take over in this way, they suppress their child’s decision-making process.
2)   Listen to your child and ask questions about the things they say and even about things they do not mention. Engage with them, don’t just pretend to listen.
3)   Let your child know that he/she can tell you anything and everything is up for discussion (age appropriately).
4)   Respect children: This means no talking down to or belittling them regardless of how angry you may be.
5)   Don’t force them to pursue your dreams. Let them choose the hobbies and interests that they desire and encourage them the best you can.
6)   Educate children about body safety (e.g. inappropriate touching) this can begin when they are quite young (2-3 years old). When children grow with an awareness of their rights and personal boundaries, they are more confident and well adjusted.
7)   Don’t put a limit on what your child can do. Hold yourself back, but don’t hold back your child if he wants to try a new skill or a new venture; make a fair assessment (on the level of danger, etc.) and be supportive.

Lastly, use your words wisely, encourage children with positive words such as clever, smart, creative and talented. You can tell your child he has a gift for drawing or a flair for music. Let your child know that her skill at netball or tennis or even her ability to skip and jump rope is brilliant. Show your appreciation to children for the ordinary things they do well, so they feel good inside and out. When children feel they are loved and protected by dependable adults, they become more assertive and well-adjusted.

Do not put too much value on looks (especially with girlchildren). Let them rely on their integrity, knowledge and sense of fair play to get by. Love them, trust them, respect them and protect them.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION