OVER the previous weeks on 4 minutes 4 change, we looked at pubescent children and the need for adults to explain to them about the types of changes that take place in their bodies and the reasons why; this talk should happen when the child is around 10- 11 years old. Schools carry out basic sex education sessions as part of their curriculums, but it will always be the role of a parent to talk about puberty, sex, abstinence and contraception with their child.

When children are not guided in the correct way, their adolescent years can be a time of sexual exploration, rather than a time of awareness, acceptance and understanding. It then becomes possible for their thoughts, urges and desires to get the better of them. Of course, some busy parents are unaware of this. Many parents try extremely hard to make ends meet and for this, they should be commended, but children are sometimes neglected as a result and neglect can have far-reaching repercussions.

There are several stories where older siblings, while left in charge of younger ones, have coerced them into sexual activity or forced them to do things of a sexual nature. Younger children are unlikely to tell their parents about what goes on behind their backs as the activity is as clandestine as it is fascinating to their young minds: and maybe it just does not occur to younger children to mention these events as they simply become a norm in their lives.

A woman in her mid-20s told of how she became overwhelmed with anguish every time she visited her aunt’s home and especially when she came into contact with her cousin, who was now a man in his early 30s. When she was left in his care as a child he used to instruct her and a younger male cousin to touch each other’s private parts and then he would tell her to lie down and tell her male cousin to lie on top of her.

Because he was left in charge of her, she simply did as he bade without a thought of whether she was doing something right or wrong. Neither did she tell anyone about these incidents as a child.

As an adult she felt quite ashamed at having partaken in such crudity and although it never affected her progress in life academically, it still interrupted her childhood memories on a major scale. An older family member had taken advantage of her innocence and vulnerability; no one has the right to do that to a child, not even another child (as he was at the time). Now every time she visits her aunt’s house she is not only reminded of what took place there, but she feels compelled to act in a civil manner to her cousin, who in truth is a child sex abuser.

Another woman spoke about her pre-adolescent years, she said. ‘My big sister would invite several young people to the home in the evenings while our mother was at work and a variety of sexual activities would take place in different rooms. Although I am sure my mother had a fair idea of what was going on, she did little to stop it or to protect me and my younger siblings. It was as though my mother and sister had a rapport that transcended moral boundaries and I was some kind of ‘goody two shoes.’

I looked after the younger ones the best I could, but it wasn’t long before I got roped into the scene against my better will and judgement. I was about 13 years old and found myself performing ‘favours’ for the young men who visited and was even made to carry out a ‘favour’ for my sister’s pleasure, such was the debased content of the sexual activities.’ Today this woman, who is now in her mid-20s, is still struggling to come to terms with her adolescent ordeal. She has no sense of direction or purpose and uses illicit drugs to numb her pain. She is badly in need of counselling and/or therapy.

Older sibling influence doesn’t always have to be of a sexual nature, neither does it have to be negative. There are many trustworthy teenagers who have a responsible role in caring for their younger siblings and never fail to set them good examples. They love their younger siblings and are devoted to their protection and well-being.

Younger siblings have been known to emulate their older siblings in either a positive or negative way. For instance, a boy of eight might decide to take up football, having been influenced by watching his older brother; a girl of nine might adopt the adolescent attitude of her teenage sibling and start showing an interest in boys and sex, etc.

How children grow, evolve and develop in life depends on what they’re exposed to and how they are supervised and protected by adults. Parents must manage their households competently in order to give children the best possible start in life and some positive childhood memories.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child, call the CPA hotline on 227 0979 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION