LAST week I spoke about loving your body and the responses have resulted in today’s hot topic.
Many of us also give and receive hate, towards ourselves yes, but definitely more so towards others. Honestly, I’ve never truly understood hate in all its power, mainly because I’m not fully capable of it. Of course, I’m human so I’ve hated but I don’t think it’s ever lasted a long period of time, and I thank whatever higher power there is for that. I’ve hated someone with all my being one day and completely shook it the next. I attribute it to empathy and no offence to anyone but I feel those who consistently hate are simply not likely to empathise or be compassionate, which is such a shame as feeling these allows for the understanding that everyone is human and makes mistakes. On the other hand, people do what’s right for them and sometimes it may not be right for you but that’s life, isn’t it?
I’ve had (and still have) many people who’ve hated me for years over the silliest things. Honestly, if I was to take the cruel route, I would say that it makes me feel powerful to be able to elicit such strong emotions by just being me. However, truth is, I feel nothing but sadness for them, that they experience something so overwhelming, which affects me in absolutely no way but instead, drains their resources that could be efficiently used elsewhere.
Responding to hate with kindness and indifference may seem like the weak thing to do but believe me, it creates an inner peace that the giver of hate will never have.
A prison doesn’t necessarily have to be a physical place as allowing that hate within you forms a mental prison and believe me, you’re the only inmate.
The word on its own carries such immense power, let alone the actions that come along with it. Hate for another person dims your light and poisons your spirit. It affects all relationships around you, whether you’re aware of it or not.
We all know it- hating is exhausting so why do we do it? More importantly, how can we stop?
First, ask yourself- do I have hate in my life? Which one is it? There are two forms of hate: the kind that’s turned outward (explosion), and the kind that’s turned inward (implosion), with both creating equally damaging behaviours.
At the centre of all hate is blame, when we feel responsible (implosion) or we fault others (explosion) for a disheartening situation. Neither is the right or beneficial thing to feel.
This will be hard to hear but even when it seems like it, other people are not responsible for us. They may be responsible for an event that happened but they are definitely not responsible for how you feel about it and how you’ve chosen to deal with it. This may make you feel like a forever victim but the fact that no one but you is responsible for your feelings or behaviours should actually make you feel quite invincible. How people feel about you in no way affects who you are and just the same, you can’t think someone into being something or someone else. Instead, you can control the feelings that can lead to hatred.
I read somewhere that HATE can also stand for Healing Aggressive Thoughts Emotionally.
You can stop and take a breath to diffuse your hatred and challenge your hateful thoughts, replacing them with more calming and rational ones.
Mind your words – to yourself and others; “Be careful of what you say because you are listening”. It is very possible to constantly reinforce your own hate, even when you, yourself want to let it go. Feeding these negative thoughts with harsher words will just feed your hatred and increase your anger.
Be more open-minded and understanding; accepting other’s beliefs does not necessarily mean you have to change yours, does it?
Embrace forgiveness as there is no hate without self-sabotage.
??If you are the object of unnecessary hate, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do as the giver of hate is the only person who can make that change. It may be upsetting, disheartening or even frightening but all you can do is remain calm and thank your lucky stars that you do not reciprocate those overwhelming feelings. You absolutely do not have to hate back.
Remember this important fact – what people hate most about others are the things they either fear or truly want within themselves. Hate is truly an attempt to distract oneself from feeling helpless, powerless and shame. It is the only way they can regain some kind of power over a situation that did not go their way. It means they lack self and general compassion. If they keep hate in their heart, much of that is dedicated inward as it is only when we show ourselves love and compassion can we demonstrate it outwardly.
Remember that you have to actively hate someone whereas not hating or even not caring requires no action. Hate has a future and no hate or no care leaves things in the past.
If you are a giver of unnecessary hate and want to let this hate go, you are not alone or weak. I know people who have been professionally trained to show respect and empathy who still cannot manage to do it. However, it is very possible to do. You can accept your hate and take some responsibility for what you are feeling; the only requirement is the want and will to do so. Remember that forgiveness does not require an apology and a war requires two active sides.
I’ll leave you with a famous short story.
“A grandfather talking to his young grandson tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him, struggling with each other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other is the wolf of fear, greed and hatred. “Which wolf will win, grandfather?” asks the young boy. “Whichever one you feed” is the reply.”
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