THERE was a young girl aged about 11 or 12 years old, who used to be helping out occasionally at a grocery stall in the Bourda Market. And no, this is not an article about child labour; on the contrary, this opening paragraph is in relation to a mere observation of the child. One could not help but notice when being served by her, the manner in which she would conduct her transactions: her confidence and accuracy astounded many a customer and grown-ups knew, they could not ‘outsmart’ her: she was alert and trustworthy.

It has been well over a decade since she was there and by now she would be an adult; since then, the regulations on child labour have become more stringent, so no doubt, if it were today, someone might have reported her parents to the Childcare and Protection Agency (CPA). But this acknowledgment is due to the fact that her maturity then, was as commendable, as her interaction with customers is unforgettable.

Parents can do that for children, they can start building a child’s confidence from an early age by giving the child a certain amount of privilege over a period of time, to see how they would do. Privileges should be monitored and adjusted to suit. If a child proves to be responsible, then more privileges can be considered. As children get older, parents can give them a little independence too. Adults can show children that they trust them by allowing them to go out to appropriate places with the agreement that they will be home at a given time. Ask children questions about where they went and show an interest in what they learnt or encountered.

Parents need to be flexible because as children grow, they change mentally, physically, psychologically, intellectually, and emotionally. So parents must be prepared to adapt alongside their children in order to assist and nurture their development. All children need time and space to develop their ‘persona’ and to be themselves, without being stifled by parental expectations.

This means time and space to think for themselves; to make decisions for themselves; and they also need to have some say in the planning of their lives. Parents should love and respect children for who they are: and not for what or whom, they want them to be.

Parents can do more harm than good to their (pre-adolescent and teenage) children by keeping them subdued, supposedly for their own safety. Keeping children in doors and rooted to one location may give the parent peace of mind, but at the same time it limits the child’s experience and could affect his/her confidence when (s)he does go out and mixes among his/her peers.

Although parents may not set out to restrain any aspect of their child’s development, they fail to realise that by keeping their youngsters only where ‘they’ can see and hear them and by setting up restrictions as to what they can and cannot do, inhibits a child’s socio-emotional development. It can also build resentment in the child towards his/her parents as (s)he grows older.

Boundaries and rules should incorporate the growing needs of children and together, between adult and child, agreements should be made about what activities will be attended and why they are beneficial. Children should not have to ‘hide’ and lie to their parents about where they have been or about what they ‘really’ want to do, for fear that their parent(s) will disapprove.

Teenagers should be encouraged to participate in sports or to join a local club and be part of any recreational event they desire. But it should be within reason, age-appropriate and definitely not lewd, crude or rude. The more varied the activities in which they participate, the better.

Of course, parents should do their groundwork to ensure that their child is taking part in programmes and events that are properly organised and that are manned by responsible adults. If you do not allow your growing children a certain amount of (monitored) freedom, then there is a possibility that they will, one day, simply take it. Why? Because they need to exercise their minds while (having a say in, or) taking control over their own lives and their dreams for their future. Another reason young people tend to want to break free is because they have spent quite enough time being restrained.

Parents might keep their children close to home because they are afraid of the dangers that are lurking in our society. Nevertheless, children become teenagers and teenagers become adults, and at each stage they will require more freedom, mentally, physically and psychologically. The best a parent can do is teach children how to stay safe and how best to cope in trying situations.

If you are the type of parent who thinks it is easier to restrain your child than to loosen the reins a little, because loosening the reins means the added responsibility of talking to and nurturing your child through adolescence, then we hope that you’ve learnt something from this article. A balanced and open relationship with your child will always help when decisions need to be made in your child’s best interest.

If you are concerned about the welfare of a child you can ring the CPA hotline 227 0979 or email childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION