TODAY we are sharing a true story which we hope will encourage parents, who are ‘laid back,’ to be more vigilant and consistent when monitoring and guiding their children. It is not enough to just give good advice and leave it at that: parents need to CONNECT to their children and stay CONNECTED: their welfare, their childhood, their holistic development and sense of well-being, must come first.

ANNA-MAY’S STORY as told to a social worker (names have been changed to protect identities)
My parents spoke to me about boys: they told me to take in my education and that boys are only after one thing. But their advice meant nothing to me when I met the father of my child. I was only 12 years old, he was 14 at the time and I kept seeing him around our village.

One day he walked me all the way home and told me that he liked me. If I had told either of my parents about a boy liking me, I’m sure my mother would have beaten me and I would not be allowed to go out on my own: plus, she would have walked with me to catch the bus for school and check up on what time I reached home in the afternoons. So I kept it a secret.

My parents were not on good terms and they parted, which meant I was spending time between my granny’s home (my father’s mother) and my mother’s home. I was also spending time with my boyfriend whenever I could and we were having unprotected sex.

We did this for a good few months, undetected, then one month I missed my period. When it happened for the second month I began to get worried. I asked my boyfriend whether there’s a chance that he could have got me pregnant and he said yes, he made a mistake. I was scared, but I didn’t tell anyone. I was spending more time now at my grandmother’s house, because my mother was out of the country and I did my best to stay out of everyone’s way. But it was only a matter of time.

One day my auntie said I looked pregnant and asked me, ‘Are you pregnant?’ That was the beginning of the saddest time of my life. She called my father and told him and when he came home he just kept saying to me and her ‘No, it’s not true, you’re lying, I don’t believe you.’ And he cried and cried. Seeing him cry made me cry too, it was very sad. A lot of things were said and I felt like my parents had lost hope and trust in me.

For the next few months I stayed in my corner, my stomach was getting bigger and slowly everyone was coming to terms with my pregnancy. Then one day I got scared because something was moving inside of me. I ran to my grandmother and told her but she

explained that it was the baby. I asked her if the baby could suffocate inside of me, I didn’t understand how the baby kept ‘knocking’ me all the time. Granny told me to drink plenty of water, so the baby could move around. But I was frightened and sometimes I wished I could run from my belly.

My baby girl was born by ‘caesarean section’ at 10.30 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Both my parents were at the hospital and I remember hearing my father’s voice as I began to come around from the anaesthetic. The nurse was telling him to go upstairs to the ward and wait for me, but he refused, insisting on waiting to see that I was well and recovered before he went anywhere. Eventually on the ward, my parents were both happy to see me and the baby and when my father spoke to her, my baby girl smiled. I couldn’t believe that a new- born baby could have so much sense.

When I held my daughter for the first time my arms felt too small; I was so nervous I thought, ‘if I dropped this child, what would happen to me?’ Sometimes I breastfed my baby, but it’s hard because she pulls on my breast and they feel sore. Sometimes I can’t go to sleep, because I have to look after her: change her nappy and feed her in the night when she cried.

I would like to study to become a teacher because I like helping children. I would also like to travel to different countries and learn a couple of languages. I am back at school now and while some of the children have no idea that I am a mother, some of the girls know I have a baby and they’ve asked questions like, ‘Does it hurt to have a baby?’ I tell them, don’t do it because it’s actually very hard.

My daughter’s father does not have much to do with us and I do not have much to do with his family either, but we are all related through my daughter. There are times when I feel sad and emotional about my situation and times when I look at my daughter and feel joy.

If I could turn back the hands of time I would have done a lot more thinking and I would not have got involved in a sexual relationship at such a young age. But at the time I was so taken up with the boy, I didn’t think about what my parents had told me.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child call the Childcare and Protection Agency Hotline on 227 0797 or write to us at childcaregy@gmail.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION