‘I had to stop crying and be brave’

IT was a morning in June 2017 while showering, casually and unsuspectingly, that would change the life of Zalina Jasmin Singh forever. She felt a lump in one of her breasts and hastened to tell her husband and other family members about it.

There was no pain, even as she would squeeze the area where she was feeling the lump. In fact, there were absolutely no other indicators that ‘Jay,’ as she’s lovingly called, would actually be spending the rest of the year frantically battling breast cancer.

The nurse at her workplace, Banks DIH Limited, where she has been employed for the past 14 years, referred her to ‘Georgetown Hospital’ where she was sent to do a Fine Needle Aspiration biopsy of the left side breast.

When the results came back, though, the doctors were skeptical and did not want to make a definitive pronouncement, as they weren’t clear if it was in fact breast cancer that Jay had. So they sent her to do an Excisional biopsy.

“When these results came back, I was Stage Two breast cancer positive,” Jay, 44, recalled during an interview a few days ago with the Pepperpot Magazine.
She had suspected something was amiss, though, because when the hospital received the second set of results, they called her to go in, although they had already given her a date on which to return.

“My husband and I went and they sat me down and told me that it’s cancerous and I’m Stage Two; that the option was to do surgery and to do it as early as possible.” Her mind went blank after the doctor told her this. “I started crying right there. I didn’t know what to do; I just started crying. I cried a lot from there on.”

WEAK MOMENTS
Jay decided to do treatment overseas and left Guyana in November to pursue such. She returned home in January and then left again in February to start her chemotherapy and radiation treatment. “When I went abroad, they took out some lymph nodes and the cancer did not spread; it was just at one spot.”

Dealing with her new reality took its toll on Jay, and what is more, she had to undergo treatment in a foreign country without being around her family and friends.

Jay had to battle alone many days, making her way to therapy and back on her own. “I go do my treatment and come back, alone and sick. But each time, I used to get up and pull myself up. I cried a lot. At times, I thought I wasn’t going to make it back home. Plenty days I felt like giving up because the ‘chemo’ wasn’t easy. I was really sick. I used to throw up; I couldn’t walk and the pain from the medication was too much. I was a mess.”

Jay’s breaking point came when she thought she was going to die. “That I’m not going to see my family again; not going to see my daughter, Maya, grow up or my son, Vishal, get married; not see my parents again. It was horrific. You have your weak moments.”

Jay spoke with her husband, Heamraj, every day and he and the children even visited overseas. “But being there alone; dealing with all of this alone was really hard.” For this reason, Jay said, she is not sure she can go through all of this ever again. “It’s that hard.

Look at my nails. I still have numbness in my fingers from the treatment. My chemo was so strong my fingers were numb; my toes were numb. They had to change my chemo and give me another one. My face broke out, my hair dropped out, my eyelashes and brows were gone…and not to forget the pain from the chemo.”

GIVING UP WAS NOT AN OPTION
On many days, Jay felt like giving up all of her efforts to get well. Along with her physical pain, she also had to battle her emotions, as well as an anxiety disorder, which kicked in shortly after she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

“I had to stop crying, and I had to be brave,” she recalled, adding, “One day I cried so much till I stopped and said to myself yes I’m there alone, but I have my support group here. I’m not alone anymore; I need to get up and get going. This is not the end. Giving up is not an option. That was my turning point.”

She started fighting after adopting the right mindset and today is happy to say that she has been two months in remission, meaning two months cancer free.
Now, she has to ensure she eats healthy and exercise regularly. “I eat a lot of fruits; no processed foods, lots of green vegetables and hardly any meat and sweet. Before, I would’ve eaten anything, gone anywhere, and done anything. But now, you have to think about yourself, your health and family. You gotta put them first and change your lifestyle if you want to live longer. I’ve slowed down a lot. I hardly go out anymore. I’m still in pain because of the chemo, but every day is a new day and every day it’s getting better.”
Jay feels that had she not acted immediately to treat the cancer, it could’ve grown and gotten out of control. So she is advising that other sufferers take it in hand and muster up the strength to take action right away.

“It’s not the end of the day. Just do your treatment; do what you have to do,” she is advising others who might be experiencing the same things that she did. “It’s hard but you need to put your mind there. You need to pull yourself together. If you don’t do it, nobody else can. It takes a lot from you but you have to be able and willing to do it. Once you can pull it through, you can beat it.

“You will feel weak and like at the end but I have found that talking about it helped me a lot. So don’t keep it to yourself. It’s not a stigma. That’s one thing my husband taught me. He told me I should talk about it and embrace it. It’s not anything to be ashamed of. Be positive and have that inner strength to help you. Find a group who is going through this same thing. Just don’t shut the door. If you shut the door, you make it worse. At some point, you reach the stage where you just want to be alone and give up but giving up is not an option, especially when you have a family,” she added.

MAKING EACH DAY COUNT
Jay is grateful to all those who played a role in helping her through this traumatic period of her life. “I must thank Banks. I was away for about six months and they were there with me all through it. Also, my friend, Anusha, kept me there for six months. She and her family were really nice to me. Her husband, Johnny,would always tell me not to give up and to have more faith in myself.”

Jay said her parents, Doreen, and, Haroon, were also rocklike figures in her life, along with her sisters, Ryan, and Narda. She is also thankful to the doctors of the Georgetown Hospital Oncology Department.

As for her dear husband, she said: “He was strong. I’ve never seen him cry. He said whatever has to be done, we have to do it and we will do it together. He has never given up on me. He never broke down in front of me. One day I asked him how come he never broke down, and he said if everyone broke down what would happen? Somebody had to be strong.”

As scary as the entire experience has been, it taught Jay some valuable lessons. “You value life more; you treasure people more. You live for every day; every day is a special day. You live every day as if it’s your last day. You also get to see who care for you and who doesn’t. I’m no longer living in fear. I’m positive I beat that demon. That demon is out of my body.”
She makes sure to do her follow-up hospital visits so as to ensure that the cancer does not return. “But it’s not going to come back. I’m positive. It’s not going to come back. I’ll make sure it’s not going to come back.”