TODAY is Father’s Day. It is an occasion when fathers, the other half of the parental duo, are made to feel like a king, praised, and feted. But, one will agree that there should be a qualification – that, that male figure, traditionally recognised as the head and pillar of the home, must be deserving in being all the things that a good father must be: being able to be a good provider, spend quality time with his family and being able to give guidance and leadership whenever challenges arise.
Children who are well-bonded and loved by involved fathers, tend to have less behavioural problems, and are somewhat inoculated against alcohol and drug abuse. Yet when fathers are less engaged, children are more likely to drop out of school earlier, and to exhibit more problems in behaviour and substance abuse. Research indicates that fathers are as important as mothers in their respective roles as caregivers, protectors, financial supporters, and most importantly, role models for social and emotional behaviour.
As is the case, every year on the second Sunday in June, the usual buzz, excitement and hype that formerly accompanied the advent of Father’s Day is once again missing from this year’s observance. There is growing evidence that the fervour continues to lessen, with each succeeding year.
And this has been borne out from a tour of the city’s commercial houses, the markets, and supermarkets where shopping appears to be as usual, unlike the extra crowds that are known to descend for Mother’s Day. Frankly, one did not quite experience the feeling that there is a special family day for which some extra purchases are being made. And this has been the unanimous view, of even the fathers.
Father’s Day is being celebrated at a time when more than ever, the role of the father is under very in-depth scrutiny. Are fathers accepting their responsibilities and role that come with such an ascendancy? Moreover, do they understand the concept of being a man, a father in relation to his person in the eyes of his family, and by extension, society?
Of course, there are still many good fathers who are deserving of the fulsome love and recognition of their family. These are the fathers who have made and continue to make untold sacrifices, providing shelter, food and all of the necessities, inclusive of education for their children. Many fathers would have achieved these vital building blocks of a strong and secure family on their own, often with very supportive wives/companions/partners, or as a combined partnership.
There is even the younger segment of today’s family man, who these days can be seen, either taking his baby to day care; child/children to school, doing the shopping, or even doing household chores. Veteran Playwright and Journalist, Francis Quamina Farrier, has been on a recent crusade to highlight these good fathers in social media.
These two categories must be commended, since they continue to be a blessing and a boon to their respective families, as well as giving hope for continuity of a very vital input of family life.
However, there are still many fathers, just too many, branded as such because of their biological ability to procreate, but who have been abysmal failures as fathers, and family men as they are also described.
They are not seen at school PTA meetings; or at medical clinics with their children; or even visiting learning centres to enquire about their children’s education progress. Too many have been abandoning their homes and families, often with dire socio-economic consequences. And even if/when they are present, they make no contribution to their family’s daily existence and welfare. Many often resort to the traditional harsh disciplinary/authoritarian cum abusive measures as a means of making up for their shortcomings, with often permanent psychological damage to the children.
Shockingly, and with great tragic consequences for families, husbands/fathers have been killing, injuring, and maiming their life partners, often in the presence of their children. Suicide on the part of many of these assailants is often the end result, leaving many children orphans and to an uncertain life, oftentimes one of untold hardship.
How do we explain the other half of this twin orgy of domestic-sexual violence being committed by fathers/stepfathers/male relatives on their daughters/sons, stepdaughters/sons, nieces/nephews etcetera? It brings us to the question as to whether this is the new understanding of the role/ behaviour of the male/father in the home. That rather as protector of his young female/male bloodline, he has now become their hunter, predator, and ravisher – a pervert, whose debauchery now accounts for more than 75% of criminal court cases, in Guyana’s criminal justice system.
Such are bad examples for the younger male of today, and signals a completely new, distorted and destructive understanding of himself that the general male now exudes.
There is no question that fathers do play an important part in their children’s lives: the majority of studies affirm that an involved father can play a crucial role, particularly in the cognitive, behavioural, and general health and well-being areas of a child’s life; having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics; adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and are better able to relate to them when parented by an involved father.
To those fathers who continue to abdicate their important position to their children and in the home, we implore that they begin to accept their moral obligation, not only as providers, but to genuinely join with their partners for the growth, development, betterment, and moral and spiritual direction, of especially their children.
Truth be told, there are too many young men, angry because of the absence of fathers in their lives; and they continue to express that omission in ways that constantly bring them into conflict with the law. Many of these young men could have done better, and can do better, if their absentee fathers had fulfilled their obligations. In fact, fathers must be able to be the guide and temperate influence in the lives of their sons, positively. However, disturbingly we are now beginning to observe cases of fathers and sons appearing in court jointly arraigned for murder and another for forging chassis numbers as members of a carjacking ring. Is this the new facet of fatherhood?
It cannot be overemphasised that fathers are an absolute necessity in the lives and home, as an essential parent for their children, and for the furtherance of family life. But they must be prepared to accept their role and responsibilities which will earn them the respect that they should have.
Finally, we ask our fathers to remember that their relationship with their partners must be one of working in unison, and not as bullying enforcers, abusers and murderers of the women on whom they depend so much; and who are also the mothers and sometime fathers of their children.
On this Father’s Day, we again salute those exemplary fathers, both young and old, for their sterling contributions to family-building.
We’ll know we’ve reached parity, when Father’s Day becomes as well celebrated as Mother’s Day.
Happy Father’s Day to all fathers.
