Are you a Father or a Dad?

THE two words ‘father’ and ‘dad’ may conjure up the same image to many, which is that of a man, maintaining and spending quality time with his off-spring. But in reality there is a vast difference between a father and a dad.

Most males above a certain age can father a child, some men are able to make children well into their 70’s; it is simply the act of copulation. For some men the act of copulation is no more than that, ‘an act’ for which they take little responsibility after they are done. They do not acknowledge their responsibility towards the conception of a foetus, the growth of that foetus into a living breathing child and the subsequent nurturing, maintenance, support and guidance of that child throughout his/her developmental years until adulthood. That valuable care and attention that only a real ‘dad’ can feel and give, is priceless.
To be a good dad you have to be approachable and real, and most of all you have to be consistent. Some estranged ‘dads’ see their child once a week but the time spent together is quality time and it is recorded in the child’s mind as an indelible part of his/her childhood. Childhoods are very important, and the things men do with their child and to their child will be with the child for the rest of his/her life.

If an estranged father does not pay his child enough attention, or when he sees the child (he pushes money in the child’s hand and) he is glad to be shot of the child; that too is being recorded in the child’s mind. There is no role model for the child to follow, there is no emotional connection between the child and father and the child will grow without the balance and stability of having two parents playing positive roles in his/her upbringing.
Some fathers want their children to fear them, they believe, either through their own childhood experiences or otherwise, that fathers should be figures of authority who lay down the law for their family to follow. But fathers are far more effective when they discuss matters with their wives and take their children’s opinions into consideration when and where possible.

Children need to respect their fathers and the respect can only come about if the father respects the child and show the child the consideration, attention, guidance and care that is befitting of a growing youngster. Above all, fathers need to build and maintain good communication with their child as early as possible.

0 – 5 years old: Fathers should read to their children, play with and discipline their children (along with the mother). This is the perfect age to begin showing the child that boundaries exist and there are consequences to actions. Talk and reason with your child. Give the child the opportunity to work out right from wrong for his /herself.

5 -10 years old: A father can have a good conversation with his child and learn what is going on in his/her life. Fathers should keep abreast of the child’s school life, their social life and listen to them when they talk. Guide them with advice; explain things to them so they understand. But do not dictate to them, bully them or intimidate them. Allow your child to be expressive, open and honest. On the other hand do not become a ‘push-over’ and allow the child to rule you. Maintain a healthy relationship.

10 -15 years old: By being supportive, consistent and by maintaining good communication with his child, a ‘father’ qualifies as a ‘dad’. During this stage, boys really need a male figure in their lives who they can depend on, emulate and trust. Girls need their fathers too. Growing up around a positive male can teach a girl child so much about life. She will learn how a man should conduct himself and she should recognise the traits in a man that will make a worthy partner.

So fathers please be advised that you are very much needed in the lives of your children as ‘dads’. You are responsible for bringing them into the world, please maintain, care, nurture, love and appreciate them to the best of your ability.

 

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