IF you want to put your children first, it really has to be your choice. You have to ensure that your children see you in a positive light and you leave a positive impression in their minds. Your children need you to discipline them, to be honest, fair and dependable in guiding them toward a positive future and lifestyle. You need to work at building a trusting, open relationship with your children — one where the giving and receiving of respect lies at the heart. In all things you must work with their best interest at heart and in mind.
On the contrary, some adults are absolutely incredulous — their behaviour and outlook on life leaves a lot to be desired: the things they do! They lie, deceive, cheat, steal, curse, swear, drink excessive alcohol and get drunk, they take drugs…the list goes on and all of this is done in front of their children. In short, so many adults are not setting good examples and what they fail to realise is that their actions, words, and gestures are shaping the minds, characters and to some extent, the futures of the children in their care. Whether it is obvious or subliminal, the cold, hard fact is: it is happening and happening right now even as you read these words, some parents are making a negative, lasting impression.

Although those same parents may be the last to acknowledge or admit it, the way they behave goes back to their upbringing. (Or maybe even their lack of upbringing). Adults are not aware of when they learnt all the traits that now govern their minds: the traits that make them think the way they do or make the decisions they make. For example, ‘adult number one’ may want to solve a problem by talking it through, while ‘adult number two’ may want to quarrel or fight about the same problem. While adult number one will never cheat on his/her spouse because it is against everything he/she believes and stands for, adult number two will flit along quite merrily from one lover to the next with little or no feeling of guilt or thought of possible repercussions in the future.
Where and when did these adults pick up these contrary problem-solving skills or beliefs in values and fidelity? Most probably during their developmental years. So who were the people guiding them through those years and why didn’t someone teach adult number two the value of peaceful problem-solving and the moral of being honest and truthful to others, but firstly to oneself?

Maybe no one had the time or maybe the child taught him/herself these traits (or skills) through trial and error. Either way children become adults, many of them may have missed out on valuable childhood lessons and teachings that could have helped them in their future lives and decision-making. As a result, we have adults with their own shortcomings or those who have deep-rooted issues or unresolved emotional pain and anxieties from their childhood, who are raising and influencing their children’s lives in a far from positive way.

Adults need to self-evaluate their actions and thoughts from time to time. They need to be truthful to themselves about their past (and even childhood) experiences and how these might be affecting the way they treat their children (or their relationships with their children) today. No one is perfect, but in seeking betterment for their children and families, parents will need to start by looking within themselves and sorting out their inner turmoil and problems. Only then can they truly be open enough to put their children first and work towards giving them a better future.
If you are concerned about a child, you can ring the CPA hotline: 227-0979 or email childcaregy@gmail.com

A Message from the Childcare and Protection Agency, Ministry of Social Protection