Living positively with HIV/AIDS

-At first I felt like I wanted to die
By M Margaret Burke
MARYANNE became a mother at 16 years old and by age 32 she was the mother of three children – two girls and a boy, who was five at the time. Her eldest child was just the age she gave birth to her – 16 when she learnt that she was HIV positive.

“I was a very happy young woman. I started life early and even though I had three children by the age of 32 years, I did space them out a bit. My eldest girl was 16; her sister was 13 and their brother, the youngest was 5.

My life was complete, or so I thought, because even though I was not working the father of my children ensured that we had every convenience in the home, as well as lovely clothes and good food. My children were well looked after and had the promise of a good life ahead of them.”

Sudden change
Then came sudden change. The father of Maryanne died after a brief illness as a result of an accident. “He was very hardworking and caring; he was a real father to our children; he was like my best friend; a sweetheart; a brother and a husband to me. I cared for him deeply.

Maryanne explained that after the death of the father of her children she was confused for a while. “At first I didn’t know where to turn, what to do, or how I would make it. But, with encouragement from friends and family I pulled myself together and got a job at a security firm. I became a security guard.”

She recalled that it did not take long before she drew close to a male security guard at the same location. “I was young and even though I already had what I would call three grown children, I still had my looks – I was still very attractive and I was always mindful about how I carried myself. So just about six months after being on the job I had a ‘good thing going’ with a guy there and the next thing I know is that we had gotten very close,” she said.

Beginning to feel unwell
Maryanne noted that as time went by, which was just about a few months into the relationship she began to feel constantly unwell. “By now I began to lose that healthy appetite which I used to have; at the same time I was losing weight rapidly; beginning to feel weak most of the times – so weak that it had become difficult for me to climb up the stairway at my home. I ended up with acute strokes and had to be laid up for a while. I became almost helpless and it was at this stage that I made up my mind to seek medical help, with the encouragement of a good friend,” she explained.

After some amount of delay, mainly because of fear, Maryanne said she eventually went to the clinic for a check-up. “It was in 2007 when, early one morning I had to return for my results and I was diagnosed as HIV-positive. At that time I was devastated and feel like I wanted to die; I felt that I wanted to live, but because of my children I decided to live.

“So many times I would walk to the seawall and look at the water and it is as if the water is calling you.Yes, it does. A lot of times I sit on the seawall and it is like if somebody telling you to come, and then a ‘small voice’ would say you got to go home to those children. Those children who didn’t have anybody else but you. So I would get up and walk back home and I would sit on the step. And then climbing the step was another problem because I had no energy “Then the children would ask me how my mouth “buss up so”? I was scared to tell them, but afterwards I told my daughter.

“When I told my daughter she didn’t react anyway funny, she tell the others that she would take care of me. And so she started to make sure that I remember the times to take my medication. She would write it and put it on the fridge, put it in my phone, and the wall too. She would make sure that I eat my meals too.”

End it all or win the battle?
“My plan was to end it all. When I got the results I wanted to end it all. My plan was to kill the man who gave it to me; then my plan was to commit suicide. However, my brother encouraged me to turn my life to the Lord and He would see me through.”

After some amount of feelings of shame, rejection and the thought that death was controlling her destiny, Maryanne told of how she decided to “fight.” She talked about how she ‘took the bull by its horn’ and put up a fight. By this time she had taken her brother’s advice to seek the help of God; in addition, she had started to gradually surround herself with people from the clinic she attended. She got involved in women’s groups, especially the ones that had members who had similar situations– but were doing positive things about their situation.

“I decided that I have to win this battle for my sake; for the sake of my children. I wasn’t going to kill anybody anymore and I wasn’t going to kill myself either. In my moving around I started to hear a lot of success stories and I started to feel more and more determined to make my life a success,” Maryanne offered. She also mentioned the names of a number of organisations that she was now involved in – both nationally and internationally, in which she play very active roles.

After undergoing a number of training sessions, mostly centered around HIV/AIDS and other STIs, along with counselling, Maryanne has formed an NGO, where she is making every effort to assist women in becoming self-reliant. She is of the firm view that women and girls with HIV/AIDS must be able to hold their own, in terms of having economic empowerment.

Disclosure
“As soon as people get to realise that he or she is HIV-positive, one of the first things that they should do is disclose their status. It is hard to tell any and everybody because some people can hurt you by discriminating in all sorts of ways. But people must, at least tell close family-members, and if there is a man or woman in your life, it is important that they are told too.

“For me, I did not only let members of my family know, but I eventually told my neighbours…when I started getting a grip of myself and started feeling and looking better, then I wasn’t afraid to let people know of my status. I am meeting a lot of people who are in the same position like me and I try to help them.”

Adherence
Maryanne further stated that faithful adherence to the drugs is one of the most critical aspect of recovery from HIV/AIDS. She added that adherence is not only to the drug(s), but it is also to the simple, but proper meals, as well as exercise, associating with persons who will offer encouragement and counselling.

Now married
In fact, Maryanne met another male whom she said, “kept following me up” and so she said that once she realised that he was seriously interested in her she disclosed her status to him and he still did not let up. They eventually got married and live happily.

“What is most important is that for a while now my HIV/AIDS status has been “undetectable” (meaning that as a result of my adherence to the HIV/AIDS drug-regimen, the virus is not showing up in the blood test). I am still very careful that I continue taking the drug given.” mercilinburke2017@gmail.com

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