– Sociologist Ras Aaron Blackman tells parenting skills forum

By Ariana Gordon

IN order to be successful parents, young men and women must take their lives seriously, contended writer and Sociologist Ras Aaron Blackman on Saturday as he addressed a group of young persons attending the third phase of the Georgetown Stabroek Leos Project, U-Turn, which focused on parenting skills.Held in the Conference Room of the National Library, the forum saw Blackman pleading with the youths to be responsible. “If we are going to be fathers and mothers and have successful families, we have got to take our lives seriously… Start planning your lives,” Blackman admonished.

He argued that self-development is the most important tool in the lives of those planning to have families. “Young people, self-development is most important… Develop yourselves first before any other person or thing…education, then material things,” he stressed.

The Beterverwagting, East Coast Demerara resident told the youngsters: “A man who takes care of his family is blessed…God is with him at all times; but when he doesn’t take care of them, it is like a curse.”

Blackman said there are simple traits which young people can adopt. He urged them to be caring and loving, and said caring families produce caring communities; which in turn would result in fewer criminals and less domestic violence and other societal ills.

“Take care of your sons and daughters! Guide them… The ‘good life’ starts with fathers and mothers… Work with your children,” he said as he reminded that the absence of parents is a contributing factor to many societal ills.

Blackman argued that parenting is not the sole responsibility of the mother, but that of both parents. He said gender roles ought not to be taken into consideration in this regard. “We all have the responsibility of raising a family…there are equal tasks; you have to respect each other,” he stressed.

Neil Mc Phoy, Chief Executive Officer (CEO) and co-founder of Life Changers International (LCI), stressed the importance of “men occupying their rightful places” in the family. He said that when it comes to children and their behaviours, it is critical for parents to understand that “the best teaching is by the example we set”.

Children, he reminded, learn best from assimilation, thus he urged the youths gathered at the forum to first plan their lives. McPhoy said, “If it is not written, it is just an idea. You have to plan your life and your child’s,” he stressed.

The motivational speaker said the purpose of a parent is to make a great parent of children. “Raise them to be good parents…they must have characteristics that can be passed on from generation to generation,” he advised.

MULTIPLE STYLES
McPhoy said there are multiple styles of parenting, and noted that Guyanese, like citizens from other countries that were once ruled by a monarchy, utilise an authoritative style of parenting. That form of parenting, he said, limits children’s freedom, as parents have absolute control, and affection and praise are rarely given.

Additionally, he said, this parenting style does not allow children to express themselves, as children are told what to do and when and how to do it. Children who grow up under this parenting structure, McPhoy stated, are usually obedient but distrustful, withdrawn and unhappy; and are unable to make conscious decisions.

Unlike the authoritative style, the permissive style of parenting allows for children to do as they please. He said it provides freedom without limitations, there is little respect for order and routine, and parents generally want to be their children’s best friends.

With this style of parenting, McPhoy stated, discipline is lax. Children who benefit from this style of parenting, he said, are usually aggressive, have the least self-control, and are most unhappy.

The third parenting style McPhoy highlighted is the democratic style, where children have freedom with limits. There is a middle ground, he argued. “There is freedom…it sets limits and rules…the parents listen to the children and the children make decisions within the limit.”

The motivational speaker noted that this style of parenting allows children to express themselves; and with this democratic style of parenting, parents can exhort control and provide encouragement to their children.

Children growing up under this method are “usually happy, content, are high achievers and are less likely to be disruptive and delinquent,” he explained.

He argued that parenting styles are a reflection of who parents are. “You’re giving your children who you are,” he said.

Project U-Turn attempts to break the cycle of absentee fathers, and emphasises the need to enhance parenting skills among young people.