A true story – told by a girl child (names have been changed to protect identities)

WHEN you’re a child you do not recognise the shortcomings in your family life, you just live through them. My mother had left my older brother and me alone so often that we learnt to strive for ourselves. We used to make up games to play during those long evenings alone with no adult to protect us or to give us much-needed support. Our mother brought food into our home and made sure we had clothes to wear, but there was no strategy or regularity to anything she did. I attended school when I had the means, but did not get much of an education.There was no cousin, uncle or grandparent living nearby to nurture my brother and I, we were growing up without any formal “training.” Our mother’s behaviour towards us was indifferent to say the least. We garnered information about life through movies and television or childhood gossip and illicit whispers.
I started to hit puberty at the age of 10 and like most children, I became curious about my changing body. However, my relationship with my mother was not one whereby I could ask her about personal things. I remember her shouting at me when I became a “young lady” a year or so later, instead of explaining to me what menstruation is and what was happening to me, she just kept saying things like, “Is now my problems start” and “Oh Lord, girl children is pure problem.” At the time I didn’t understand what she was implying or the reason why.
I was about 12 when the games I played with my brother changed: instead of “knock for knock” games, where I never took “Last lick,” we began wrestling on the floor and a lot of touching was involved. After a while he began to experiment sexually and encouraged me to join in. At night, he had different reasons why he wanted me to lie in his bed with him, but the end result was always the same, we ended up doing what “big people” do and our bodies responded and took over.
I became pregnant with Zohanna when I was 14, but my mother did not know until my belly started to show. My heart could have dropped out of my body the day she found out; she behaved badly and I was racked with guilt, even now I still feel so ashamed about what we did. The Childcare and Protection Agency got involved with our family and I was taken into care. That was the first time I heard the word “incest.”
My daughter Zohanna was born with delayed learning difficulties and vision problems, I was told that these types of birth defects often occur as a result of incestuous relationships. Some months ago I started taking part-time English and Math classes; I am presently trying to make a life for myself.
Family dysfunctions can lead to a variety of problems: parents must monitor their children at every stage of their growth; they must guide and protect them and teach them right from wrong, that is their responsibility. Never take it for granted that children know or understand certain aspects of life. Parents are a child’s first teachers.
If you are concerned about the welfare of a child ring the CPA hotline on 227 0979
A MESSAGE FROM THE CHILDCARE AND PROTECTION AGENCY, MINISTRY OF SOCIAL PROTECTION