“As the bride stands at the back of the church on her father’s arm, looking at her beaming groom waiting for her, neither one of them assumes that their marriage will be anything but blissful,”

But ever so often if we do not put good effort into making our marriages a ‘perfect experience’ we may very well be walking down the aisle and soon after ending up in a divorce court. Making your marriage succeed will require hard work. Here are 6 completely ‘off-the-wall tips’ on how to enjoy a successful married life. Feel free to disagree with ‘Madame Suave’ if you wish…
This week we will give you three helpful tips… Ensure you join us again next Friday for more tips on securing a successful marriage

Don’t Talk So Much!
“Nothing is as easy as talking but as difficult as communicating,” writes Keller. “Some marriage couples believe that they are doing what are required to do when they speak and tell their spouse what’s on their minds. Unfortunately this is just half the battle and it’s the easier half. The key to effective communication is not speaking, nor is it even just listening, but it is understanding what your spouse is saying so that you can more effectively respond. Listening is probably the most difficult aspect of communication. It is not merely being silent; it is allowing your partner to communicate so that you may understand them better. Too many couples listen with the goal being a more effective rebuttal in the conflict, or to better communicate their position when it’s their turn to talk. I recommend “listening between the lines” as the goal to keep in mind whenever you talk.

Quit Forgiving all the Time!
“Conflict resolution is non-existent without forgiveness,” says Madame Suave. “Any time an argument stops without true forgiveness being asked and granted, the marriage suffers and another conflict can be all but guaranteed in the future. And in the off chance that no future argument does occur, what is sure to happen is for there to be emotional and relational distance and further drifting apart for the married couple. But many times, forgiveness becomes minimized due to a lack of understanding what true forgiveness means. The words ‘I forgive you’ are easy to say, but not so easy to put into action. So what does it mean to forgive? To forgive a person means that you are releasing him or her from any and all punishment for a past or present offense, no matter how badly they deserve that punishment. Any retribution that may be contemplated needs to be set aside. The offense may never be used as a weapon against the offender at a later date. So, as Christ forgave my sins, I am called to extend that forgiveness to others. This, of course, is one of the central tenets to the Christian faith. So why quit forgiving all the time? Too many times forgiveness is extended with the expectation of the offending party that conditions can go back to normal without consequences. If the offense is particularly abusive, then conditions must be in place to enable trust to be rebuilt. Therefore, forgiveness does not mean trust is automatically reinstated. So even though forgiveness must be liberally given, boundaries need to be kept in place so the process of forgiveness is not abused by the offending spouse.

Stop Spending So Much Time Together!
Conventional wisdom is that the more time you spend together as a couple, the better your marriage will be. But time together is not always a good indicator of a good relationship, and as a matter of fact, it might indicate that the marriage is not doing well at all. I maintain that couples that spend proactive time apart can have deeper and more emotionally connected marriages. The reasons for this are many, but four primary reasons come to mind: first, time apart can give or return a sense of self. Second, it can allow time for personal evaluation. I am amazed at times how few people focus on how they are doing and their own personal development. Third, time apart can give a fresh perspective on your marriage and your spouse. Finally, it can give a genuine appreciation of your spouse. Conventional wisdom in these cases is many times wrong. There also are situations where remedial time apart is warranted.
Proximity can be a reminder of recent offenses and can provoke continued pain in the offended spouse. Time apart can be an agent that will allow wounds to heal. It can begin a much-needed healing process for personal and relational needs. It can also be a time to establish a therapeutic protocol that would address the problems faced. Finally, it will allow the couple to work on an agreed upon reconciliation process. So, the mere proximity of your spouse cannot guarantee a growing relationship. When couples are stick, I strongly encourage them to take some time to themselves to gain a new perspective. And when the marriage is not doing well, many times taking some time apart becomes a necessity. Whatever your situation, be intentional with your time together, and don’t hesitate to use your time alone to bring a healthier perspective to your life and marriage.