THE past couple of months have been troubling. Two months ago, I noticed a guy, and instantly was into him; but I was too subtle, and never got my message across.
I recently reconnected with my feelings for him, just as my friend, Sasha, told me she was into him, too. Deciding to be the better man, I helped her get closer to him.

This killed me, because I kept seeing how amazing he is, and how much I want him to notice me. He might or might not like her, but he and Sasha are not dating.

Is it wrong this makes me happy? I, by no means, want to hurt her, but that doesn’t mean I have to sit on the sidelines and cry inside; I feel I have a chance. This has already hurt my relationship with Sasha, because she went through a phase where she needed assurance he liked her. I couldn’t give it to her.

I don’t want more drama, but I don’t want to let this guy slip through my fingers. I look at him and smile. I wake up from dreams where he gave me a chance, feeling delighted and sad at the same time.

Should I go after him, or leave him alone?
Dominique

Dominique,
Scotch whisky may be an acquired taste, but who you love cannot be one. A hard lesson some women learn is not to pursue a man who, in his natural state, is not attracted to them.

If they trick him, trap him, or catch him at a low moment, they will get someone who writes us saying, “She’s nice, but I’m not really attracted to her.”

There is pain in liking someone who doesn’t like you back; there is even more pain if the person you like romantically likes you as a friend. We can’t throw what we want on another person; We have to live in the here and now, not in the fantasy of, “Oh, he smiled at me.”

Seeing patterns that aren’t there can blind us to reality. If you can’t live like this, end this stalemate. Either make a move on him and give him the chance to say, “Sorry, I’m not interested,” or leave him to Sasha.
Wayne & Tamara

In the middle
I ALWAYS thought my parents had the perfect relationship. My mother suffers from a chronic illness, and it has taken its toll on us, but we’ve had a good life.

Last year, my dad started talking to another woman; he never did anything physical, but they had an emotional connection. My mom found out because of his phone bills. My mom is convinced he did it because she is sick, but he won’t give a reason for cheating.

I’m 24, and in the process of moving out. It has been a huge struggle for me not to take sides; I don’t know what I can do to help them find a healthy solution, but I don’t want to be an emotional buffer anymore. I’m emotionally exhausted, and don’t want them to be angry with me for leaving.
Jocelyn

Jocelyn,
Children don’t need to be dragged into the nitty-gritty of their parents’ intimate relationship; the resolution to their problem is in their hands, not yours.

If the excuse for your dad is your mother’s illness, what did sneaking around behind her back solve? Nothing. It created another problem. Your dad is not giving an answer because the answer is one he cannot give.

But your job is not to placate your parents; it is not to be the shock absorber. Shock absorbers always wear out. Your job is to develop yourself, and have a good life.

Perhaps, by staying at home, you were preventing them from handling this. Move out and let your parents resolve their problem themselves.
Wayne & Tamara