I hate my mother-in-law. To give just one example, when I had my daughter by caesarian, she sat on my stitches. For the past 11 years we’ve been at her beck and call, even on holidays. Now I’m getting tired of it.

I’ve not said how I feel, as I respect older people, but deep down I hate her.

Brie
Brie, you and your mother-in-law have been playing a game, and neither of you has total control. The outcome of the game depends on what each person decides to do.

Your strategy has been to give in. That means she always gets to win, and your strategy makes you the loser. You hate her; that proves your belief in unconditional respect for elders is wrong.
Most experts on game theory would say the first time you play a social game with someone, you should be nice. But every time after that you should mirror the other person’s behavior. If she is nice, you are nice. If she is demanding, you are demanding. And so forth.
This strategy is wise because it sets the basis for future cooperation, and it punishes bad behavior.
Your strategy needs an overhaul. When we respect those who don’t deserve respect, we lose the respect of others, and ultimately, our own self-respect.