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We have three adult children who’ve moved out. Now it’s just the two of us. We live in a condo overlooking the water, and I’ve tried to get our relationship back on track to no avail! There are no physical relations, except maybe once a month if I start it.
He makes time for everything else in life but me. I confronted him again yesterday, and he invited me out for a drink. As soon as I got there, he tried picking a fight. I smoothed it over—we were having a good time—then out of the blue he started telling me how selfish I am.
I am back in school and he’s been great about that, but he always tells me how great he is and how everything we have is because of him. Instead of us trying to get to know each other, it’s like he wants nothing to do with me. All he talks about is his career and our kids.
The reason I’m so confused is he holds my hand when we’re out, and kisses me good morning or goodnight. But nothing else.
Roberta
Roberta, just because you go to your job every day doesn’t mean you love it. Many people function on rote and routine. Holding your hand in a restaurant and kissing you in the morning and at night could be no more than habit.
Because he is angry you have to be careful, both physically and financially. He’s on a precipice, approaching unknown territory. You can’t say you know how he is going to react because you don’t know why this is happening.
A possible explanation is he is thinking of a future without you. Maybe he’s thinking you don’t match up to his peers, or the 20-something he has his eye on. He’s not even 50. Married so young, with kids grown and gone, he could be thinking, “I could have the life I was meant to have.”
If there’s no way to step up the dialog with him, you still need someone to talk to. A sounding board. A wise friend. A counselor. An attorney.
If he won’t show you his cards, perhaps you shouldn’t show him yours.
