OKAY! Here is the background! Seven years ago, I met my husband when I was pregnant with my daughter. He took on the role of daddy. Three years later, I cheated on him with a black man and as a result, had a baby. My husband took on the role of daddy to him as well. Today, my husband found out I sent a nude picture to the father of my second child, and now I need to apologise to the man I love, and who has been through so much in this marriage. He is on the breaking point, and I think he will divorce me.

I want my husband to know I am so sorry; I was wrong, and this is never going to happen again. It’s just that this other man has been coming up everywhere, and my husband is so insecure. How do I show my husband I love him so much, and how do I get trust back?
Malina

Malina,
It’s not paranoia when you think someone is out to get you — and someone is actually out to get you. It is not insecurity if you feel you can’t trust someone who has already betrayed you.

Two researchers, Mick Rothbart and Bernadette Park, once gave people a list of 150 traits, and asked them how many events it would take to establish each trait. They also asked how many events it would take to disprove the trait. Rothbart and Park learned that the hardest trait to establish is trust; and trust is the easiest trait to destroy.

There is a reason we despise turncoats, traitors, and embezzlers. Cheating triggers a disgust in us we cannot get past. When the cheater is someone we share our intimate life with, it is especially difficult.
The problem with staying with someone who has broken trust, is that they are likely to betray us again. Aside from our children, it is usually impossible to reestablish trust in one who has broken it.

You don’t need advice on how to keep your husband; you need to understand why you keep doing this. Unless your husband leaves you, you are unlikely to learn this lesson. Until your husband leaves you, his future is unlikely to change.

Wayne & Tamara